Texas Stadium in Dallas Texas, now without a paying tenant after the Cowboys called it quits and sold the 122,700,000 square foot complex to the Walmart corporation expects to open it's doors AS WALMART Super Sunday right after Prince's halftime show.
Walmart, pleased that the Dallas store would be the first Walmart on the planet with an entire Sam's Club in it assured local residents that it's Super Duper Center would NOT put local Mom and Pop businesses out of business ... just yet. Walmart's CEO described his new store saying,
"With that square footage we're already planning on putting in a skating rink, petting zoo, a full-scale Ford dealership, a life-size replica of Yellowstone Park AND 2 active volcano's for the kiddies to play with while you shop."
With the acquisition of the former Dallas Cowboy's cherished grid-iron home Walmart envisions a day when Walmarts in ALL cities can become large enough to house their own Sears department stores.
Sear's CEO Alan Lacy told reporters that he was at first reluctant to put one of his stores inside a Walmart next to a "Pretzel On A Stick" shop but agreed to the deal because, well, it WAS Walmart and they were "kinda leaning on him."
Former Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo (now a plumber) says that he's looking forward to shopping at the new Walmart Super Duper Center where he threw so many missed passes and basically humiliated the whole Cowboy franchise along with all the other 39 members of America's team. Romo told reporters,
"Their pet cemetery in the East parking lot caught my interest as our Poodle Muffin is getting up there in years."
Cessna, according to unconfirmed sources is modifying the Instrument Landing Radar systems on their small planes to take advantage of the new Walmart's complimentary small plane landing strip next to electronics. One Cessna pilot explained,
"All Walmart has to do is open the roof. We can then attempt to land right there next to Housewares and Draperies hopefully without skidding into the Women's Lingerie department in isle 12."
With over 1,300 checkout lanes the new Dallas Walmart Super Duper Center promises to get you out of Walmart faster than you came in. If you find the right checkout lane.
