In a tiny cubicle in a Chattanooga rest room, Chiquita Banana announced today that she's the new spokesperson for Charmin toilet tissue.
"It's a great fit," a Charmin official gushed. "The world's perfect food and the world's perfect toilet paper."
Chiquita said that she's delighted with her new role as spokesperson. "With my soft tissue, I NEED 'soft tissue,' and Charmin fits the bill."
In a related development, Chiquita confirms that she's suing Harriet Housewife, who buys generic bananas and then passes them off as Chiquitas to husband Harry, who long ago declared that he will eat no banana that has not been certified as 'Chiquita.' Harriet admitted that, five years ago, she DID buy a bunch of Chiquita bananas and since then she has merely recycled (and recycled and recycled) the little blue 'Chiquita' labels, plastering them on the cheapest bananas she can find.
Harriet has confided to friends that she really doesn't care if she loses the lawsuit, even if it costs her some cash. "It's been well worth it," she claims. "Seeing Harry make a fool of himself has been so much fun. It's been sheer joy watching him eating the 'counterfeit' Chiquita bananas, announcing over and over again that it's the only brand of true quality, and singing, 'I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say........'"