Horizon Wireless Changes to "How Interesting Is Your Conversation" Pricing

Funny story written by Catchthisdrift

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

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One of the first mobile phones

Basking Ridge, NJ - Horizon Wireless announced today new pricing plans based on how interesting your conversations are rather than on traditional pricing drivers such as minutes used, number of texts, or data usage.

The new pricing is being introduced as part of a joint venture between Horizon and the National Security Agency (NSA).

Said a Horizon Wireless spokesperson, "Along with the NSA, we're already listening to all of your conversations anyway. We might as well provide incentive for people to have more interesting conversations so our employees' shifts seem to go by more quickly for them. There is nothing worse than sitting there for eight hours listening to morons drone on and on about their pitiful lives."

The spokesperson continued, "We haven't worked out all of the details yet, but basically, the more interesting the conversation, the less we're going to charge you. For example, and to reiterate, this is just an example of the idea we're talking about, but if your conversation causes our employee to perk up and perhaps have more animated facial expressions, maybe the call will be a quarter. But if your call causes the employee to yell to several other employees and put your conversation on speaker, that call might be only a nickel. If we like your call so much that we decide to post it on the internet, that might be only a penny, or maybe even free depending on where you are in your contract."

Horizon plans on similar pricing schemes for data, based on the customer's internet search history.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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