CEO Envious of Temp Workers

Funny story written by Moe Nightwalker

Friday, 23 August 2013

image for CEO Envious of Temp Workers
You don't want his job

As industry relies more on temporary workers,  CEOs tout the benefits of temporary employment and the disadvantages of executive positions.

"I know that this CEO position will only last 2-4 years. After that, I won't have an impressive title, free health care, free transportation, interest-free loans, or free financial advisers." says Glenn Kerry, CEO of ExecHop.  "If I were truly a temp worker, I could go to any agency and have a job by the next day. Instead, it can take months or years, if I'm lucky enough to find a position commensurate with my obvious abilities and talents." 

Executives rarely get unemployment benefits and most have golden parachutes that only provide multimillion dollar incomes for one or two years. Top executives spend this time working their networks in the hopes that an old buddy sitting on a corporate board will offer another position.  

A study by Maryland State University Business School shows that only 74% of executives land another position before their yacht payments are due. Often, private jets sit idle while their owners look for work. The remaining 26%, like Mitt Romney, become long-term unemployed, living only off their meager investments until they are able to collect Social Security.

Another struggle of executives is the publicity of their job search efforts. Even their salaries are posted in annual reports. True temp employees are anonymous. They can go weeks without work and be unnoticed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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