The public today reacted with astonishment after RBS boss Stephen Hester defensively declared "I don't set my pay" and went on to disclose that obscene bonuses awarded to bankers were due to a shadowy cartel known only as 'societal norms'.
The appropriate authorities have been quick to react and the baby name 'Norman' is now to be automatically reported to both Social and the Security Services so that affected infants can be put on the risk register of future offenders.
Welfare groups have protested and are lobbying that all Norms should be offered the chance of a loving home, perhaps fostered into compatible family banks.
A Mr N Fosdick of Shaftem and Glossops Hedgefund Management has issued the heartfelt plea to the public to remember that "a bonus is for life, not just for Christmas".
