US Dollar Falls as Bankers Buy Beanie Babies, Smurfs and Teletubbies

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Wednesday, 5 April 2006

image for US Dollar Falls as Bankers Buy Beanie Babies, Smurfs and Teletubbies
Teletubbies more valuable than US$

NEW YORK (AP) -- The US dollar fell sharply against other foreign currencies on Wednesday as central bankers throughout the world sold off their dollar reserves and bought beanie babies, smurfs, and teletubbies instead.

"We are all getting the hell out of the US dollar and US bonds," asserted Claude Carphead of the European Central Bank. "We are buying things of real value like beanie babies and smurfs and even some gold and silver. The American dollar and the US economy are doomed….everybody knows that."

Carphead's statement reflects the growing realization that the US dollar and US government bonds are totally worthless, unlike collectibles such as children's toys and precious metals which hold real value.

The US is trillions of dollars in debt, has massive budget, trade and current account deficits, and its manufacturing jobs are all fleeing to the East. This is occurring as the number of US billionaires and millionaires and other rich bastards really jumps. The world is now holding its breath waiting for General Motors to go bankrupt and cause the final US collapse.

"The market sentiment has been lurching into a dollar-negative way for the last couple months," said Steve Stuntbrainer, chief FX strategist at Barclays Capital Inc. "All smart dollar holders are now selling the currency."

Even China's central bank is desperately diversifying its foreign-exchange reserves and getting rid of its tens of billions of US dollars in favor of gold and silver.

The US dollar is losing momentum even as the US raises its interest rates. Despite increasing yields, FX traders are looking elsewhere, said Stuart Scrunt, CEO of foreign-exchange dealer Scrunt Capital Markets.

Peter Grundlurch, editor of the Grundlurch Market Letter, said the dollar "has completed its countertrend rally and is now resuming its secular bear-market plummet in the depths that began in 2002 when the US dollar index was really far up. You had really better buy beanie babies and silver I think now, or else."

China and Japan and India have already stopped buying dollar-denominated US bonds and are dumping their holdings, according to a Hong Kong newspaper.

"Look out below!" said US Treasury Secretary John Snow as he recently gave US President George Bush his resignation. But the new Chief of the US Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke said he was already printing trillions of more US dollars to make up for the loss of confidence in the US dollar and US bonds.

"We ended reporting of the M-3 data so no one will notice," said Bernanke. "Hyperinflation, here we come!!!!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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