UPS to Start Sending Mail by Pony Express

Written by mikewadestr

Wednesday, 7 December 2011


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In order to keep from falling into bankruptcy and eventual insolvency, the United States Postal Service has announced that they will forgo overnight delivery as well as the day after delivery and the day after that and so forth and re-install the Pony Express to deliver all mail.

This decision has been greeted gleefully from the unemployed Cowboys Union which is led by soon to be unemployed NFL quarterback Tony Romo. Unfortunately for Tony Romo, he will have no say in the new UPS structure as he not only cannot ride a horse but can't lead a team to a playoff win.

UPS will now classify its mail delivery as "Pony Tail", "Grey Hound" and "Snail".

We would recommend not sending any of that Snaily type mail, unless, of course, you are sending it to someone who is already dead.

While the final details have yet to be ironed out, it appears that the Pony Express riders will run mostly along major US routes and highways with mail being thrown off at each of the routes exits. Mail recipients will be responsible with checking their local exit each day to see if any mail has been delivered to them. Although, there is a good chance that not all exits will be hit, especially those going north on I-95, those that are will have consolidated mail for all the exits heading northward, so don't worry if your mail is not at your exit, you just head on down south and check all the exits until you come across it.

Any junk mail that is to be delivered will be sent directly to the US Capital and the White House to be read as they appear to have nothing better to do anyway.

Not everyone is happy about this new deal as it has been epitomized by the State of New Jersey who is protesting the fact that all horse manure will just add a strain on the state's already overfilled landfills. Although, the Midwestern Breadbasket states argue that the horse manure is a goldmine.

Congress has balked at New Jersey's protest claiming they have had to deal with much more than what New Jersey has to deal with as they are completely overwhelmed with bull shit.

Regardless, as to the final outcome of this decision no one really cares because everyone uses email anyway.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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