Canucks adopt strict new anti-pee policy
MAPLE LEAF, CANUCKA - Among the most unhygienic people in the world, Canucks think nothing of using public swimming pools as their personal urinals. A recent study of two pools of different sizes indicated that a 220,000-gallon pool contained...
Read full storyACLU pushback: "Marry a Mexican, adopt a Muslim, take a lesbian to lunch in Indianapolis."
The American Civil Liberties Union announced today they are embarking on a grass roots effort to..."Make America Whole Again. Marry a Mexican, adopt a Muslim and take a lesbian to lunch in Indianapolis, is a grass roots effort to get citizens involve...
Read full storyNeverland interests buyer
NEVERLAND, CA-The late, not-so-great Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch in Californicate is "for sale" at "only $67 million." For this low, low price, buyers get not only remorse, but also a zoo, complete with llamas; theme park rides allegedly st...
Read full storyBig Ben's Bong entered as UK Eurovision song for 2017!
After being analysed by lasers, scientists have offered the "Big Ben Bong" to be England's representative in this year's Eurovision Travesty! Theresa May is enthusiastic about the "Bong Song" representing the UK in Europe's Nr 1 horrific festival...
Read full storyDonaldgate
"Pssst!" Nancy Pelosi peered around the pillar but saw no one. "Pssst! Over here!" She looked again and saw a shadowy figure beckoning her from across the floor of the parking garage. She scuttled over, while holding on to her wig with one hand. "Blackfeather," she said to the man. "What?" "Blackfeather. The password." "Oh." "You're supposed to give the countersign."...
Read full storyA Christmas Carol
"Bong! Bong! Bong! . . ." The grandfather clock in the foyer of Mar-a-Lago pealed twelve times. The digital clock on the kitchen stove said that it was actually ten past midnight, but the grandfather clock denounced that as fake news and said that the digital clock was a disloyal product of Silicon Valley. "Trump!" a baritone voice boomed out. "Trrrrrump! PRRRRRRESIDENT TRUMP!!!" The Presi...
Read full storyKeith Richards builds a rollercoaster in his shed
Ageing drug-addled rocker Keith Richards has announced the opening of an "exhilarating theme-park ride" in his garden shed. Richards, 94, held a brief press conference this afternoon. Tickets would be available in exchange for hard drugs, and cust...
Read full storyComedian Jon Crapola craps out
HERMOSA BEACH, CA -- Two years ago, John Crapola, who claims to be a "stand-up comedian, if not a stand-up guy," bored his tiny audience in a nearly empty "comedy club" in Hermosa Beach, California. When he started talking about his penis, ladies nea...
Read full storyDon't worry About the House Just Keep on Driving
Back in my college days I was studying at the University of Arizona in Tucson, Arizona. The school had a good engineering college which suited me well, that is whenever I actually attended class. The University was, also, known to be a party school and attracted a lot of people from the northern and eastern states who came to the school to escape the harsh winters which had brought about a lot o...
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