Animal Crackers Comes Under Fire
Animal Crackers are animal-shaped cookies (?) designed by carnivorous subhumans as brainwashing tools by which to corrupt innocent children who, without such indoctrination-disguised-as-treats, might become vegetarians, eschewing the abuse of the ver...
Read full storyBra's Wonderful Testimonials
"They call it a Wonder Bra because when I take it off, Freddie wonders where my boobs went. - Sarah Michelle Gellar Wonder Bra, a subsidiary completely owned and operated by Wonder Bread ("We build sound bodies 12 different ways") is designed to l...
Read full storyThe term 'Smart Phone' is no longer acceptable
After a meeting at the World Technology Conference in Milan, mobile cell phone companies are urging customers to stop using the phrase 'smart phone' to describe touch screen phones. "These phones are pretty smart," said Nokia boss, Samuel Sung. "H...
Read full storyErotica: How to Know It When You See It
According to some, erotica is what women, who lack the balls to refer to it by its real name, call pornography. However, they contend that erotica differs from porn in that it is ofter, warmer, fuzzier, and feels better on the lips and tongue than pornography tends to feel. Characteristics Some individuals also contend that a number of its characteristics further define erotica, distingu...
Read full storyCanada train wreck, San Francisco jet crash...is this an omen for Andy Murray's Wimbledon dream?
London - An astrological roller coaster weekend of terrible disasters has been triggered by the Moon/Mars conjunction in the sign of Cancer just hours ahead of Sunday's Wimbledon Men's Finals where Brit No 1 hope Andy Murray's makes his championship...
Read full storyIf you Have a Food Allergy, Tell Your Server...Or Not
Whenever I see the universal sign about food allergies in a restaurant, I'm tempted to add the words "Or Not." You see, here's the thing. When you tell the server, you tell everyone else within hearing distance. And that may not be smart. What if a disgruntled neighbor is sitting nearby? A neighbor who feels you crossed her property line many times without permission while you worked on y...
Read full storyThings You Might Overhear At Your Gym
One: Ugghhh! Two: Oooooofff! Three: Aaarrgh! Four: Yuccccchhhh! Five: Grrrmmmppp! Six: Are you alright? Seven: Help! Eight: Where's the AED? Nine: Anyone know CPR, goddammit! Ten: Hello, 911? Meanwhile, there is a certain gym culture that needs to be abolished. Cleaning the equipment...
Read full storyEdward Snowden spotted in royal box at Wimbledon Men's Finals
Langley, Virginia - Long distance surveillance wizards at the CIA's President George Herbert Bush Center for Intelligence [sic] HQ are studying latest imagery of US intelligence whistleblower Edward Snowden who has just been discovered in the third r...
Read full storyFrance Angry Over NSA's Spies Uncovering Embarassing Research
It has finally been discovered exactly why the French Government is so upset about the NSA surveillance imbroglio. This scandal has reached a level that, according to White House insiders, President Obama is hoping for some disaster he can attend s...
Read full storyNSA: Top 10 French Secrets Exposed by Edward Snowden
10. Charles De Gaulle is alive and well working as a sous-chef in an Avignon bistro. 9. Napoleon isn't really buried in that porphyry sarcophagus in Les Invalides. It's Jim Morrison 8. The ratio of mistresses to ministers is 10:1. 7. The "yellow streak" on the back of the typical French soldier is 112.8 cm. wide. 6. 87.5% of the French cabinet are bedding the same mistress. Howe...
Read full storyMormon Missionaries linked to CIA
A recent hearing in Washington revealed that for many years, young Mormon Missionaries have been suspected of working for the CIA. "Who would suspect those shining young faces of being the eyes and ears of a well planned national information retrievi...
Read full storySelf-Cleaning ovens linked to stomach disorders
The FDA released a report that had been compiled by FDA Research Assistant J. Herman Petersilge of Iona, New York, which offers a scenario where self cleaning ovens are a cause of stomach disorders. "It was right there in front of us all the time,...
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