US Mars mission cancelled, "confusion" blamed
America's problematic "Man on Mars" project was finally cancelled yesterday, just over a year after President George W. Bush had announced it to a stunned space community.
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush is Human Clone
A team of geneticists from Princeton University yesterday claimed to have proved "beyond reasonable doubt" that President George W Bush is in fact the world's first cloned human being. The team spent six months laboriously cross-checkin...
Read full storyTop Shrink: I Was Wrong About Foxhunting
Doctor William Harben, one of the Government's advisors on the foxhunting bill, today admitted that he may have been wrong about the harmful psychological effects of foxhunting on hunt members.
Read full storyDecommissioning Breakthrough
In an unprecedented move, the IRA has agreed to decommission up to 500 shillelaghs by the end of 2015. The shillelaghs, believed to have been a gift from Colonel Gaddafi in the 1980's, will be chopped up by a group of neutral Canadian lumberjacks...
Read full storySuit Would Force F.D.A. to Deregulate Added Salt
WASHINGTON, Feb. 24 - The Center for Science in the Public Interest filed a lawsuit on Thursday in the United States Court of Appeals here to force the Food and Drug Administration to deregulate sodium in processed foods. "Increasing the sodium co...
Read full storyStargazers predict Sodom /Gommorah weekend for top Riggs Bank customers
Washington D.C. Friday 25 February - (Rioters): Forensic astrologers at the National Jeb Revulsion Laboratory in Tampax, Florida have taken the unprecedented step this weekend of issuing an astro-seismology alert following the discovery of a mass...
Read full storyPope's Tracheotomy Performs First Miracle
VATICAN CITY - A 22-year-old nurse at Rome's Gemelli Polyclinic claims to be the first beneficiary of a miracle performed by Pope John Paul II's tracheotomy. Gina Lola Palooza told reporters this morning that she saw "a huge flame" burst from John Pa...
Read full storyAnglican rift grows over Powertool row
Anglican leaders have asked the US and Canadian Churches to withdraw from a key council temporarily because of their Failiure to return some electric hedge trimmers. They want the North American Churches to "consider their place within the Angli...
Read full storyVatican reports new Pope Flu case
The Vatican has reported its first case of Pope flu to affect a human in more than three days...
Read full storyOzzy's Son Allowed Jewel Theft to Convince Fans of His Stupidity
Rocker Ozzy Osbourne's son admitted that he allowed $382,000 in jewelry to be stolen so he could impress fans with his massive stupidity. Jack Osbourne said he felt the only way to compete with his famous father was to "be an even bigger idiot". Th...
Read full storyHappy Meal Not So Happy After All
In news likely to astonish the entire fast food eating population, The McDonald's Happy Meal has revealed that it is not so "happy" after all. In an exclusive warts-and-all interview given to the magazine, Fast Food Monthly, Hamburger, Regular Fries,...
Read full story