Cardinal Seán Brady of Ireland has issued a statement urging Catholics to forgo the consumption of eggs on Fridays in an act of protest against the introduction of abortion in Ireland. According to the Cardinal, the consumed egg - whether boiled,...
In an historic move, the Pope has brought about a seismic shift in Catholic doctrine, with the ending of the Vatican's total opposition to the use of condoms. In a statement, released between masses at St Peter's Basillica, the Pope, one time Hitl...
Vatican City - Dressed more like Steve Jobs than St. Steven, Pope Benedict XVI introduced the Catholic Church's answer to Apple's iPad today, devoting his audience in St. Peter's Square to the global launch of the Moses Multi-Task Tablet. "Anyone...
Little Paul, the Pope's butler, has been thrown in the Vatican jail accused of betraying the pontiff He faces 30 years in jail if he is found guilty. Paolo Gabriele, 46, is accused of being the mystery whistleblower who has been leaking docume...
It's been a really bad week for his Holiness, Da Pope. First he has to have his butler John Leaky arrested for imparting unto the press that he, the butler that is, kept a secret stash that was way better than the stuff he gave Da Big Cheese. This caused great discord between the two, especially when Da Big Kahuna smoked a couple of joints of it and found that the stuff the butler was giving him...
Wal-Mart stock dropped sharply again today as the Associated Press is reporting that another scandal has emerged for the giant corporation. Sources within the Vatican have confirmed on condition of anonymity, that officials at the highest level at bo...
Catholics everywhere were flabbergasted when, merely days after celebrating his 85th birthday, Pope Benedict XVI issued a formal statement acknowledging that God probably does not exist. Nevertheless, the Pope assured believers worldwide that they we...
In a quick visit to the U.S. before Holy Week, Pope Benedict XVI decided to play a little joke. Pope Benedict XVI stopped in several Midwestern cities to voice his support for the Catholic Church's crusade against "reproductive health" and the so...
PHILADEPHIA, PN (ABSNN)-W.C. Fields was once asked about Boston or maybe it was Providence, some old Yankee City, if he liked the place. He said, "On the whole I'd rather be in Philadelphia." One wonders if he was a gay Catholic. The City of Bro...
The Vatican has expressed its 'dismay and betrayal' at the Catholic Clergy across Ireland for its failure to invite their seniors to join the many instances of child abuse across the country. In a report published on Tuesday, it called for a 'new...
SPOKANE, WA-Ruth Briggsby, a 64-year-old grandmother of five and retired school teacher, was driving home from the pharmacy on the morning of Ash Wednesday, when she passed the new Catholic Church on 18th Avenue just as its congregation was leavi...
Dear Sir, I note that Paddington Bear will appear at Dalemain country house near Ullswater on the 25th and 26th of February, where he will visit The World's Original Marmalade Awards & Festival. He won't, though, not really. Because he doesn't actually exist, does he? Some soft-headed twerp buys his idiotic wife a teddy bear, then decides to write a book about an imaginary bear. It t...
BILLINGSGATE POST - Arguments over the proclamation by President Obama that mandates church affiliated employers provide birth control benefits to their employees reached a high fever pitch in the House of Representatives yesterday as lesbians and ga...
Two gay Colombian priests could not bring it upon themselves to either "come out" or tell the Catholic church (which is 85% gay anyway). So they hired a "hit man" to murder them because the Catholic church does not allow gay preists to commit suicide...
The Catholic Church has once again been nominated for the Doublethink Award, given annually to the person or organization that most ingeniously epitomizes the Orwellian concept of 'doublethink'. For those who have never read George Orwell's 1984,...
Washington DC - According to local nuns here, Catholics will not be required to carry birth-control devices in plain-sight when they leave home. In a special ceremony conducted behind closed-doors, a resolution was reached at the White House. Ac...
ROME - Claiming that "presumptuous and thuggish impositions of will have disrupted the peace of our lives," a consortium of Catholic leaders around the world has formed in vehement protest of "traumatizing and intrusive" police investigations into re...
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