NICK-AT-NITE, CA-Kermit the Frog celebrated his fiftieth birthday this week and his fellow Muppets are outraged at the posh party thrown for the fun-loving frog and children's television icon. Why are they so mad? They weren't invited to the puppet p...
CAPITOL HILL-Having exhausted every possible scheme and ploy to fleece the American voting public, the US Senate Finance Committee has come up with a way to introduce the country's youth to the idea that nothing is free. Commencing upon enactment int...
CHICAGO-A local woman who for years was looking for health care in all the wrong places turned to litigation to cure what ailed her and uncovered a massive medical fraud scheme.
BAGHDAD, IRAQ-Saddam Hussein, the recently deposed dictator of Iraq, hirsute hegamon, that vicious violator of human rights everyone loves to hate is about to become even more famous-or infamous, depending on how you look at it. Jurors in his ‘high c...
Los Angeles, CA-Encouraged by the success of Native American support groups in convincing the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) to require university sports teams with mascots named after tribes or with terms deemed offensive (breathe i...
"Lame Duck" is a term President George W. Bush simply cannot accept. He's proven by his athletic agility that he's nowhere near lame. And while some might call him a turkey, he's definitely no sitting duck. Fact is, he's been doing such a good job,...
Palo Alto, CA -- Chemical Engineers at the world famous All-You-Can-Eat Nutrition Research Laboratory 24/7 Drive-Through have perfected a procedure that will turn the diet and nutrition world upside-down: they've found a way to separate the foods we...
Bethesda, MD-A consortium of doctors from around the world gathered at the US National Institutes of Health to announce that they have discovered the reasons infamous genocidal terrorist Osama Bin Ladin has such a horrendous desire to, as they put it...
Baltimore -- Oriole slugger Rafael Palmeiro has lashed out at basically anyone within earshot for what he says were vicious acts aimed at drumming him out of baseball because he's so damn good! The acts, he claims, resulted in his 10-day suspension f...
As the saying goes, the sayings go. Culminating centuries of exhaustive, painstaking research, multidisciplinary researchers have taken on some of the toughest adages in historical culture and proven them WRONG!! While much of the work is still being...
Scientists in the supposed-to-be-secret soft money-funded laboratory beneath the White House have released information that solves a mystery that has plagued and tormented the American political machine for hundreds of years: A defective gene is resp...
Capitol Hill--Iowans and Ohioans will soon see their governmental presence shrink, while residents of Massachusetts and Connecticut will gain much more political clout when new representation rules are put into effect in January 2006.
Washington, DC-PUT ALL YOUR FINGERS WHERE I CAN SEE ‘EM! Citing marked increases in loss of life and the obvious health and highway safety risks involved, a Pennsylvania legislator is putting Keystone State drivers on notice: "When this bill bec...
Washington, DC-Soon travelers will have to be on their toes when traveling the highways and byways of the United States. A press release just received from the Department of Homeland Security announces a massive project about to be launched to repain...
Hollywood, California--Pop legend and world icon Michael Jackson, still recovering from his closest brush yet with the prospect of doing time, has shocked fans and family alike by his latest antic: he's taking himself to court. Yes, Michael Jackson i...
Washington, D.C.--Jane Fonda, that veteran vixen of Vietnam vehemence, is at it again. Only this time she's a-totin'! Yep, that once traitorous trollop has appealed to the Bush administration to join American and allied armed forces, lending her "ser...
In a bazaar "routine gone bad" at Orlando's Walt Disney World theme park, star attraction Minnie Mouse had a rather unexpected "coming out" at a daily performance on the main fairway.
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