For the second time in less than a week, plucky little Great Britain has taken the top spot in a world league. Following our triumph in the Worst Enemy Of Iran finals we have once again planted the leather in the back of the net. We are the Wor...
PORT-AU-PRINCE - "I did inhale, this time," joked Former U.S. President Bill Clinton afterward, grinning at Wyclef Jean, his intermittent travel companion to the Caribbean island country. "Aww, heck," he drawled, "maybe the other times, too!" Cli...
In a controversial move, anti-smoking nazis have pushed for smokers to be banned from smoking anywhere in the country - whether it be inside their own homes or outside in the open air. The government has backed the ban and the new law will take effe...
When Seamus O'Flaherty from Galway was found face-down, dead in the snow outside Terminal 5 at London's Heathrow airport yesterday, it was first thought that he may have been mugged, stabbed, knocked over, drunk or simply died of natural causes waiti...
Cardiff City striker Robbie Fowler will not now miss the FA Cup fourth round replay against Arsenal after being mistakenly arrested when cocaine, with a potential value of up to £120,000, was thought to have been discovered inside a consignment of fo...
PACIFIC OCEAN - Coast Gaurd cutters intercepted a load of cocaine from China cut with sugar and aspartame. "The aspartame enhances the effect of the cocaine, allowing dealers to cut the cocaine with more sugar, and make more money.", captain Bloat...
President Bush was dealt another deadly blow (pun intended) to his re-election bid last night. Ironically the damaging disclosure took place during a live broadcast of Fox Television's "The Simple Life 4" - Paris Hilton's latest hit reality show.
Dearest Madame Bitters, I have had a weight problem my whole life and right now I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I've tried dieting and exercising but the pounds won't budge. Please help me, I'm desperate. -Fat & Frustrated in MS Fat & Frustrated: Normally I don't answer questions about diet and weight related issues and it's not because I don't know what I'm talking about. I...
While the NASA funded Mars Rover continues to send back landscape pictures and topographical maps of its pre-programmed search area, Rover number one nicknamed "Spirit", accidentally stumbled into a large crater filled with fine tan colored powder.
A series of white road markings in Mudchute, London have spoken out against the negative image that cocaine has given them. The issue arose after police were called to a supposedly drug-addled mania which turned out to be a series of freshly painted...
Los Angeles - In an interview today with 'Hallo' magazine Oscar- winning actress Dame Helen Mirren, announced the launch of her new range of drugs which she claims are 100% 'Nazi--Free'. Mirren,106, recently admitted that she stopped using cocaine wh...
If you've ever wondered why Cheesy Poofs seem so addictive, the secret is now out. Frido-Day, maker of the famous and now infamous snack, admitted yesterday in court papers that the recipe includes cocaine. Cheese puffs first appeared in the late...
Santa Tom Cruz, Mexico - (Ass Mess): A Russian submarine with over 30 tonnes of high grade cocaine bound for a Scientology temple in Hollywood was seized by the Swiss Navy in its territorial waters off the Mexican coast today.
On his fact-finding tour of the UK, Jay Zous Khrist, one of the USA's most dangerous drug barons and music rappers has openly declared that coke is not dangerous, and that governments throughout the world are "making a mountain out of a cruc...
Butlins claims to have 'excited' customers booking up for the summer season by announcing they will not be filling their swimming pools with any water.
In a desperate move to lure Obama supporters, Senator Hillary Clinton is proposing a reduction in the mandatory five year sentence for possession of crack cocaine.
(Los Angeles-CA) Vermont apple cheek fresh and pure as un-stepped on cocaine, Paris Hilton told TMZ exclusively that she no longer is just looking for good looking, Greek shipping heirs to "hook-up with", because according to Hilton, "I already slept with all of them. Isn't that hot?"...
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