Scientists and environmentalists believe that based on the stink emanating from Los Angeles Harbor, the amount of dead and decaying sardines and anchovies floating on the waters is approximately 45 tons. Mayor Julio Schwartz of Los Angeles state...
Egyptian patriots have recently broken through the cemented entrance of the Mubarak Secret Police Torture Chamber. Besides a collection of thumb screws, racks, and Iron Maidens other items were discovered that would make even the Sphinx cringe: * A Silvio Berlusconi sex video * A 455-pound man making love to a 365-pound woman * Susan Boyle at 6AM * Taylor Swift singing the Nati...
Ivana Poker, famous Southern poet from Macon, Georgia was found hanged in her apartment this morning -- an apparent suicide. Friends and relatives have stated that Ms. Poker, winner of the 1986 Nobel Prize in Literature,had been depressed and di...
CBS has announced that it is in negotiations with former heads of state Ben Ali of Tunisia and Hosni Mubarak of Egypt to take over for Charlie Sheen in the hit comedy series "2 and a Half Men". Creator of the show, Chuck Lorre said that the talk...
It has been revealed that the Democrats in the Wisconsin Senate who have ostensibly been in hiding to stall the collective bargaining vote are actually captives of Somali pirates. According to anonymous sources, the fourteen pro-union Senators were...
The Director of Spain's Emergency Medical Services unveiled the latest communication innovation -- The Life-Saver Phone. Madame Director, Juanita Baracuda, declared that this new device will save thousands of lives annually. "It takes your puls...
In a sudden turn of events, it was announced today that Eva-Marie Westbroek will no longer play the eponymous lead in the opera, Anna Nicole. Citing creative differences, Ms. Westbroek, has been released from her contract, according to enfant terrib...
Last night, with the Sphinx-like Sphinx in the background, President Hosni Mubarak addressed his people in a manner that demonstrated the Egyptian paradox of defiant compliance. While the world expected that he would withdraw from ruling the nati...
Dramatis Personae Mark: A writer Zebedee: A father. James & John: Joined at the hip. Thaddeus: Not sure. Simon…uh…Peter…uh…Simon: Never mind. Act 1 of the Apostles Mark: Salutations, Zebedee, father of James and John. Zebedee: Shalom, boychik. Mark: How are you these days? Zebedee: What can one say? He comes. He goes. He comes again. And then He goes. But w...
Miley Cyrus, acclaimed American singer and star, has unveiled her fifth tattoo at a press conference in Tahrir Square, Cairo. The "tat" depicting images of Ben Ali, Hosni Mubarak, and King Abdullah II riding the Sphinx into the sunset was located on...
Renowned travel agents Tom Chef Travel, in an attempt to salvage the Egyptian tourist season, is offering myriad inducements to the travelling public. Representative, Sir Gitalong Arsewipe, announced that starting tomorrow a one-week vacation to...
Lady, cinema's famous Cocker Spaniel and international pet advocate, has weighed into the recent research findings that humans who sleep with their pets can catch their diseases. Flanked by her rascally consort, Tramp, the voluptuous canine pant...
CNN is reporting that an Illinois manufacturer's decision to stop making the aesthetic sodium thiopental. This news is critical because this loss will delay some criminal executions that rely on lethal injections. It will force states to think outside the box and adopt other lethal techniques. Naturally, I have my ideas which are not only expeditious but cost-effective: * One hour viewing...
The pioneering Ukrainian housewife who received the world's first voicebox transplant has been shot dead by her husband. Sonya Tajikistan, who had been voiceless for thirty years as a result of Chikungunya laryngitis, received a human larynx ten day...
The melting glaciers of the Bolivian Andes have yielded up the mummified remains of Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. This was the major topic of interest at the University of La Paz 18th Scientific Assembly. According to Guido Trinidadolé, Profe...
In an apparent fit of pique, the losing contestants of the 2011 Miss America contest convened a hastily organized press conference and declared that they were not virgins and that the Miss America contest was a sham of innocence and purity. When mem...
Birds have been dropping out of the American skies and crashing deader than the genitalia of a 101 year-old Jesuit. Speculation is rife as to the reason. Why? The possibilities: They discovered that * Congress is back in session again. * Rascal Flatts are neither flat, nor rascals. They're kinda roly-poly and ugly. * Nancy Pelosi will be Miss July in the 2012 Congressional Cale...
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