London - "Don't blame retrograde Mercury and Mars for this hellish fiasco," star-gazing experts said today following a massive blast in an East London residential property. It's resulted in a Bethnal Green couple being treated for burns and shock...
London - The MoD confirmed today it was monitoring the flypast anthem ahead of Tuesday's Vernal Equinox. A tip-off from the International Space Station saw RAF jets scrambled to check out intelligence taht an alien mothership is about to suck up i...
London - Some spectral hexoplasm shaped like a sleepwalking Kate Middleton has slid out from the Queen's vagina sending terrified royal flunkies stark raving bonkers. The apparition emanated in the monarch's bedchamber close to midnight after a tr...
Gloucestershire - Expect a massive gambling splurge bookies have been told as the zodiac's high-rolling planets of supreme good fortune align for Cheltenham Week. A magnificent starry display in Earth signs of Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn is the fi...
London - The Bank of England's Quantitative Easing Committee heard today a new slant on Quatrain #1-86 revealing the French soothsayer's hunch about the Queen's full moon schedule tomorrow. Treasury analysts ruffled plenty of fiscal feathers with...
North Atlantic - In an early example of global warming conspiracy theorists today blamed the January 1912 Cancer Fool Moon for the Titanic's maiden voyage tragedy. The lunation sucked up a massive swell of tidal plankton and spawning lobster that...
London - The notorious M64 (NGC 4826) asterism lies perilously close to Thursday's pivotal lunation in the reap-as-you-sow harvest goddess sign of Virgo. Astronomers have dubbed it the 'Evil Eye' - or 'Black Eye' - Galaxy following a cosmic punch-...
London - Some royal corgis missing since Burns Night have turned up in the Thames near the 40-tonne Archimedes screw turbine installed at Romney Weir to provide electricity for Windsor Castle. A river patrol source described Fifi, Edwina and Kar...
London - NewsCorpse astrologers are studying occultation reports after a 6am bust of eight suspects thought to be involved in mobile hacking corruption scams. The solar flare-up saw five Sun employees, an MoD jobsworth, a Surrey police officer and...
London - Decades of spoonfeeding a gullible public mountainloads of House of Windsor crap could come crashing down on Hellfire Club heads this Tuesday, astrologers warned today. An exalted Sun/Mercury conjunction opposing the Leo Full Moon is comp...
London - Belly-up predictions published today foresee a beached Prince of Wails and his Gorgon wife stand trial for treason on Tyburn Hill. Hellfire Club sibyls are pretty certain the Costa Concordia sinking is a true lodestar omen as far as celes...
London - Notable portents so far include the ex-Royal Yacht Britannia sinking in Scotland, Jamaica dumping Queen Elizabeth as head of state and a young woman's body discovered on the Sandringham estate. On Monday Kate Middleton will put all this b...
London - Squirming worm-like red top hackers are on Winter Solstice high alert despite Tuesday's stellar TV performance by Piers Morgan. Tomorrow's 5.30am solar ingress into Capricorn seize (sic) some stunning astrological aspects vying to flush o...
Space - "WTF does this mean for Capricorns?" seems to be the frantic question in certain NASA quarters as news of Comet Lovejoy's 87,000 mile 'near miss' with the Sun goes viral on the net. Discovered by Australian star gazer Terry Lovejoy on 27 N...
Iran - Sufi mystics living in Iran's dodgy seismic fracture zones fear a Grand Ayatollah's curse on illicit moonshine could trigger a massive quake this weekend. A powerful total lunar eclipse will see the moon's shadow path cross volatile tectoni...
London - Someone who's never seen it nor scanned the revised codicils likened it to a 'Goodbye Cruel World' suicide note as rumors flooded the internet today. Fortunately some nifty cyberhacking moves have revealed the contents are linked directly...
Mexico - Stargazers at Mexico's National Institute for Anthropology, History and Mayan Calendar Rants have published new evidence from temple ruin brick fragments at Tortuguero, Tabasco State. Glyphs representing a Venus conjunction 'with a myster...
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