Isle of Wight council members voted in favour of leasing the island and turning it into a millionaires playground. With just one vote against, from Mrs Scongle, of the Nell Gwyn tea rooms, the plans have been drawn up and will be actioned without del...
During a speech at Westminster on Thursday, Labour MP David Lefty addressed the subject of Anglo-Canadian relations. "For years," Lefty remarked "Canada had a special place in our hearts as a a place that was a bit like America, but without the te...
The summer holidays are just around the corner, and the Island's tourist attractions are girding their loins for yet another bumper season, writes Tourism, Philately, Lacrosse, Bingo, Psychiatry, Indo-Chinese Drama and Phrenology correspondent, Herbert Ffountaine. I spoke to Eric Ladle, General Manager of the Island's Tourist Information Centres, yesterday. We had a jolly interesting conversati...
The British tourist board have finally issued a warning to all holiday makers heading for Europe in the next few weeks, especially those thinking of journeying to the Rhine Valley, a tour of the war memorials or a city break to a broken city. "Bas...
Despite a national campaign to reign back on "suicide tourism", Swiss voters have resisted calls to prohibit assisted suicide for non residents. And the Swiss government is unveiling plans to make things easier for individuals considering travelli...
Welcome dear reader to the alternative conclusion to the saga of the Major and Mrs Percy's epic charabanc day trip. Of course, the story came to a natural conclusion at the close of Part 7, so this additional episode is purely optional. It is for all the blood-crazed sadists out there who demand a violent conclusion to their entertainment. It contains bad language, flashing lights, scenes of extre...
"I'd swear that was him," the Major says as they board the charabanc for the final leg of their journey, the home run. "Who?" Mrs Percy asks, although she doesn't really want an answer. She's out on her feet. Dead beat. Exhausted. Cream crackered. She just wants to go home to bed. "That chappie behind the bar there," the Major says. "I'd swear that it's the same ruddy chap who was running th...
The charabanc trundles on at a steady 25mph, heading for home, with two stops remaining; the St Oddswell Coach Park for a lavatory break, and The Blue Lagoon Tea Rooms at Little Trevor for light refreshments. "You do realise," the Major says. "That by the time you add up the cost of this trip, coupled with all the add ons, bloody gratuities etcetera, we'd have spent less on a sodding three day...
Having left the Naughty Step at Shurrup behind, the charabanc motors sedately along a verdant B-road as it winds through a heavily wooded area. It is a mere 12 miles between Shurrup and Upper Slappington. For the most part, the road twists beneath a leafy canopy, penetrated only by golden shafts of bright sunlight. It is a very scenic drive, with hundreds of interesting trees to look at. Stumbl...
And so the charabanc, its cream and emerald green livery still in pristine condition, and shining like a baby's bottom at bath time, continues on its way to the picturesque village of Shurrup, and the famous Naughty Step. An increasingly irritable Mrs Percy turns to the Major, and says: "What is this Naughty Step thing, Major? I mean, I've never heard of it." "I'm not certain, the wife, b...
The charabanc, unsullied by the blight of airborne pollen, the pestilence of squashed insects, or the perils of airborne industrial soot particles, weaves its way majestically from the gloomy depression that is the village of Lower Doom, with its slate grey stone buildings, its lack of meaningful sunlight, and its dour residents, headed for the Lovers Leap at Lippington Mount. The charabanc's i...
Outside the newsagent's shop Major Percy is becoming increasingly agitated, as the charabanc appears to be running late. The time is eleven am and forty-three seconds precisely. The Major checks his wristwatch and scowls. "It's late," he says. "Yes dear," says Mrs Percy. "I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation." "Are you absolutely certain that you synchronised our watches pr...
There can't be many better things to do on a sunny summer day in England than to air out one's plus fours, polish up the old brogues, trim the moustache, wipe one's monocle, and take the good lady wife on a traditional charabanc trip for the day. As Major and Mrs Percy so sportingly describe herein, as they embark upon a charabanc tour, and invite all the lovely readers along to share in, and p...
Coming on the heels of a couple who claimed they saw a "Nessie-like' lake creature while out on Lake Windermere in England, it has been reported that something very large has overturned a small boat of tourists who were out to get a glimpse. "We g...
The cold snap that continues to plague Britain is responsible for the City of Miami Beach closing its doors to any more travelers seeking a warm spot in which to spend the holidays. Planes were diverted to as far north as Charlotte, South Carolina...
A young British potato farmer and his book keeper wife are missing in Australia. Police fear they may be dead. The couple's Australian-based uncle, Sidney Bollocks, is helping police with their investigation. The couple, who disappeared into the b...
Space chiefs in Florida have been forced to deny that they conspire with the state's hoteliers and tourism trade to fleece unwary space nuts. It was claimed yesterday that the North American Space Administration (NASA) deliberately changes Shuttle...
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