Thousands of partygoers were disappointed last night when they had to stop their festivities because the cows came home. "I've always heard people say, 'Party 'til the cows come home,' and that's what we were doing. But never in a million years...
A horse has been found with 60% beef in it. Which technically makes it a cow but the animal is very confused. It has raised concern over how many other horses are infact cows and therefore potentially contaminating our favourite foods. Consume...
PADUCAH, Kentucky - Atticus Grumpletoy, 71, owner of The Hoot & Holler Cattle Ranch located on the Kentucky-Illinois border recently stated that he has been feeding his 2,000 head of cattle candy corn since the first week in August. Grumpletoy...
Des Moines, Iowa -- Two Iowa bulls have been diagnosed with a venereal disease after a wild night of partying across the state line in Missouri. Iowa agricultural officials have placed the two hapless bulls under quarantine after they tested posit...
SAN FRANCISCO -- A California dairy cow previously identified as having Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, or Mad Cow Disease, has been euthanized. Federal officials stated that in the last several weeks the cow had been exhibiting classic symptoms o...
They look as innocent as babies in an advertisement for starving children. Large, moist eyes sit unblinking over lips as flat as the Midwest horizon. Flies buzzing about their heads fail to visibly perturb them, as if they are so resigned to their plight that their last, best revolt is to remain stoic and not give the flies the satisfaction of letting them know they are annoying. They are Zen-li...
ATLANTA, Ga. - State representative Terry England regaled the state house with stories of the olden days when he worked on a farm delivering dead pig and cow fetuses. Equating these barnyard friends with human females, England argued that what's good...
A herd of cattle could solve a Yorkshire village's heating problems. Wetwang vet Rod Uppingham thought he'd located a massive supply of methane gas during a routine pregnancy test on a 5-year-old Friesian at a Wolds farm. Farmer's wife Iris Niff...
New York, NY - The U.N. has proclaimed that effective today, no animals will be slaughtered with barbaric and painful mechanical means, such as shooting in the head. Animals will be slaughtered sweetly. Ms. Beeker, our correspondent at the U.N. r...
Two of the big four High Street supermarket chains Asco and Tesda are to start selling the highly controversial Whale Milk. The other three of the big two, Sainssons and Morribury's are watching sales of Whale Milk with interest. PETAL, the People...
Many years after the Foot and Mouth epidemic that saw thousands of cows on barbecues the length and breadth of Britain, scientists have finally isolated the source of the outbreak. "There had been many theories as to the source," said Simon Simple...
A Bavarian dairy cow named Heidi (name changed for legal purposes) run dry so the farmer decided to send it to the abbatoir, but Heidi being a clever old cow, smelt the abbatoir and bolted for it. The German police, Fire Service and others did all...
We have had the Bear Market and the Bull Market but now financiers have thought up the Cow Market! This is when the Bull Market is overflowing and their is a slump into Cow Land, where members of the Stock Exchange move into the fields and lie dow...
Cheyenne, Wyoming - As the Ames Straw Poll in Iowa winds down, the state of Wyoming is gearing up for its unofficial cow patty poll. Just as people at the Iowa State Fair could put a kernel of corn in a jar for the Republican candidate they liked be...
A Friesian cow flew over a 3 foot high fence and landed on the bonnet of a passing Citroen C5 driven by an alien who was just about to make some crop circles in the next field. The cow has a double identity, a schizo cow in other words. Sometimes...
Around a million families in Britain are now thought to be keeping cows in their flats so they won't have to spend money buying dairy by-products from expensive supermarkets. Some councils are warning that the practice of keeping a cow in a flat...
Well Hey There and Howdy, Friends. We're still a bit soggy here on the farm this week, and there are parts of the back 40 where I can't step out of the trusty John Deere lest I find myself sunk up to my kneecaps in mud. Of course, it ain't just mud. Edna reminded me back in February that we needed to fertilize that plot of land this year and I'd been rather generous on the manure spread...
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