Curtis Johnny Ottoman, or Otto. as he is known by his friends, is on the trail of a serial Tortoise Thief in Kent, Twelveoaks. Being one of the few reptilian detectives in the western hemisphere, Otto is world famous for his sleuthing. "Tortoises...
MIAMI, Florida--TSA screeners at Miami International Airport ordered that a man be held for transporting an exotic snake and two tortoises. A strip search revealed that the man instead sported an extremely long penis and large scrotum. Billy Sande...
Following an exhaustive investigation by researchers from Titchfield University, it can be revealed that the culprit behind the savage mauling of a family's pet dachshund, Wayne, in a Hampshire back garden, has been exposed as the family's pet tortoi...
Oxford, UK: Have you ever wondered what would happen if a tortoise was stuck on its back? The results of a new study led by Prof. Colin Killmore, Professor of Pseudoscience at Oxford University, show conclusively that the tortoise would eventually d...
A giant tortoise named Gladys has appeared on trial in the Hague for war crimes. The tortoise, now aged 225 years old and restricted to a wheelchair, could not speak to record her name. It is thought she might only live a few more decades and may not...
Alex McKing the renowned fashion designer is now facing animal cruelty charges. He was arrested today at his fashion show by Police accompanied by animal rights representatives. He apparently arrived at work wearing a tortoise shell as a hat. An...
Dr Dolittle eventually met Tommy Tortoise after a three month wait because it took Tommy so long to get to their meeting place in London. When Tommy arrived he said "I am sorry I am late for a very important date but we tortoise's are very slow the last thing I did was post a letter and it took me two weeks to get to the post box and back home.Can you imagine if you humans had to put up with t...
A 30-year-old disabled tortoise (ingrown toenails and harelip) unwittingly sent to a landfill site with its owner's rubbish, has been found alive. Sheldrake, a greater-crested Galapagos tortoise, owned by Gladys Hawksbill of Margate in Kent, clim...
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