Winston Rumford is a world-renowned linguist who specializes in off-color slang and derogatory terms. When Rumford learned of the ongoing debate about the meaning of the term “numbnuts” he became resolved to come up with the definitive answer. He…
Two ER physicians at Gabbert General Hospital in Gabbert, Arizona, huddled over the patient still strapped to a gurney. The white male, approximately Medicare age, had been brought in by ambulance just a few minutes earlier. He was unkempt and clearly in a distressed state. There were no signs of injury or trauma, and his vital signs were good, except for somewhat elevated BP. He had no ID, but he...
Following what had until then been a rather lackluster and even “dry” academic career, Jake Hanson, Professor of Urban Studies at Nashville's Tennessee State University, discovered that the prolific use of quotation marks in his published works subst...
Geneva, Switzerland - Professor Grostrou DuCul of Le Pied Malodorant University held a small press conference this afternoon to clarify how global warming is producing earth quakes. According to the Professor both animals and humans turn their ba...
TEHRAN - Richard Nelson Frye, a renowned American scholar of Iran who died last month in Boston at 94, wanted to be buried at a spot in this country where songbirds sing and dry desert breezes cool the slow afternoons. Mr. Frye, a Harvard professo...
One of these days I hope to be President of some club or something because I feel kind of 'presidential' every time my friends and I go out and smoke some and play some golf. This year I decorated my tree in blue and white lights with a Star of Da...
According to a recent study, College professors may very well be pushing their Liberal agendas on college students. Published by A.Y.R.S [Are.You.Really.Surprised] Journal, the shocking results of their study may lead conservative parents in the...
ILIGAN, PHILIPPINES (Acme World News) -- Kirai Moltres, a terror professor, was fired for yelling at his students' mistakes in class last February 14, 2013. The said professor allegedly yelled at a student named Audino Flareon Clamperl for giving...
Professor Finn L. Straw is threatening to blow up one of the BBC's broadcasting masts if his demands are not met. The drama began last night as this publication went to press. His protest concerns the use of the word "them" instead of "those" and the...
His plan has shocked a security-conscious nation and gives new meaning to the term headshot. And there are practical considerations as well. The prof's friends report that, although he is determined to go through with the plan, he is running i...
A former professor said he told university administrators six months ago of his concerns about the mental health of a student now accused of stabbing a fellow student right in the chemistry class. She is now recovering from the unexplained attack.
Indiana University professor Dr. Jack Roy Smithton is probably the most arrogant prick on campus. The snobby bastard has been known to glorify himself in lectures, speaking of himself as a so-called "expert" on any number of topics. He never fails to...
Renowned astro-physicist, Doctor Albert Finkelberker of the University of Ontario, has astounded the international scientific community with news of his love affair with a pet giraffe named Bertha.
Startled scientific writers were amazed at the unveiling of another incredible invention by genius scientist and all-round lovely man, Professor Gilgallygaggle from Harvard University.
AUSTRALIA The small farming town of Glouster in New South Wales is swarming with reporters and newshounds , Intelligensia and geologists not to mention hundreds of tourists.
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