You know when youre in the elevator try to get your underpants out of the crack of your ass, but dont notice the girl behind you, so you slam your hand down your pants, fix it, and then, for fun, fart...

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I told my friend if he needed to talk, I was only a phone call away...

I told my friend if he needed to talk, I was only a phone call away. I didnt think he would take me literally....

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In celebration of today's editorial meeting, I brought muffins...

In celebration of todays editorial meeting, I brought muffins. Well, I brought muffin stumps. I kept the tops for myself....

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There's a Chipotle within walking distance from my office...

Theres a Chipotle within walking distance from my office, but I drive 5 miles to another one because they give more meat. What?...

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Dear Charlie Murphy...

Dear Charlie Murphy; You are not Eddie. You are not funny. Please stop. Sincerely, Everyone on Earth....

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My boobs look pretty awesome today...

My boobs look pretty awesome today. So awesome, in fact, that...

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The only reason I'm writing this joke is because...

The only reason Im writing this joke is because its raining,...

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If the only movie I masturbate to is...

If the only movie I masturbate to is To Wong Foo Thanks...

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I want to f--k...

I want to f--k Snooki Polizzi....

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Jokes

I was taking a shower at the gym, my flip flop slipped and my baby toe touched the floor...

Happy Mother's Day! too soon?

Dear 149 Broad Street...

Saw my ex-wife today. I wrote a song about it...

My wife had the temerity to point out a freckle under my right...

My Spoof stories usually marinate for a month before they get 5,000 views...

Wife: Did you lose weight....

Car: Ding...

Yesterday, I decided to be healthy and take the stairs to the 14th floor...

It's so adorable how the girl from the gym...

I run background checks on my...

I broke up with my GF...

...but my chair? That's where I fart!

Do you know what my wife made for lunch? Chicken, green beans & cinnamon apples...

I won't publicly disclose exactly what I'll do for a Klondike bar...

... for fun, fart in your cupped hand...

I told my friend if he needed to talk, I was only a phone call away...

In celebration of today's editorial meeting, I brought muffins...

There's a Chipotle within walking distance from my office...

Dear Charlie Murphy...

My boobs look pretty awesome today...

The only reason I'm writing this joke is because...

If the only movie I masturbate to is...

I want to f--k...

RSS & Feeds

Jokes

I was taking a shower at the gym, my flip flop slipped and my baby toe touched the floor...

Happy Mother's Day! too soon?

Dear 149 Broad Street...

Saw my ex-wife today. I wrote a song about it...

My wife had the temerity to point out a freckle under my right...

My Spoof stories usually marinate for a month before they get 5,000 views...

Wife: Did you lose weight....

Car: *Ding*...

Yesterday, I decided to be healthy and take the stairs to the 14th floor...

It's so adorable how the girl from the gym...

I run background checks on my...

I broke up with my GF...

...but my chair? That's where I fart!

Do you know what my wife made for lunch? Chicken, green beans & cinnamon apples...

I won't publicly disclose exactly what I'll do for a Klondike bar...

... for fun, fart in your cupped hand...

I told my friend if he needed to talk, I was only a phone call away...

In celebration of today's editorial meeting, I brought muffins...

There's a Chipotle within walking distance from my office...

Dear Charlie Murphy...

My boobs look pretty awesome today...

The only reason I'm writing this joke is because...

If the only movie I masturbate to is...

I want to f--k...

RSS & Feeds

Car: Ding...