Stevie Wonder - My Fake Diary

Monday, 11 May 2009

On the road again, so I gotta stay in a hotel. I hate hotels. Nothing is ever in the same place. I usually end up pissing in the shower or taking a dump in the closet on that clothes rack or in the ice bucket.

You know what really pisses me off? The in room porn movies. It's all just pumping and licking and grinding and you never get to feel the stuff. Listening to white folks get their rocks off is no good if you don't at least get to touch some titty.

If a blind man buys a porn movie in his hotel room, they at least ought to send up a maid to give him a blowjob.

Hotel rooms have ugly paintings too. I'm blind, but even I know those paintings on the wall are ugly. They must buy them at the starving artists sales or something.

The toilet paper (when I can find it in a hotel) is always that scratchy stuff too. Ain't nobody ever told them about the Charmin? If all my feelings are supposed to be heightened because I'm blind, don't you think my ass feelings are better too? They hate that sandpaper twelve rolls for a dollar stuff.

I can't wait to get home so I can sleep in my own bed and wipe my ass with real toilet paper.