Ross Kemp - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 12 February 2023

The Brits 2023. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Still, the cocktails are good, and I only have to endure Sam Smith's voice for a while.

Welcome to Britain's Saturday nights, a new series for me, Ross Kemp, former breakfast cereal salesman and cast member of Eastenders.

Anyway, I am here to report on what is happening at the Brit Awards, in 2023.

Hey man, what do you mean banging into me like that?
No, of course, I don't have a pass. I am here undercover.
What do you mean you don't know who I am?
I was in Eastenders...
cue the ominous drums.