Rosie O'Donnell - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 14 September 2008

I saw Tom Cruise at one of those stupid awards show thingies last night. He had his pet wife with him.

I used to really have the hots for that guy. He was the only thing that could straighten me out, and then he had to go off and marry that young, skinny, little sex slave of his.

I could be a sex slave for Tom! I'm sure that they could make leathers big enough to fit me! I'd cut back on my food and diet a little just to be noticed!

That's it, I'm going on a diet. Starting today, I'll drop from the 16 piece bucket for lunch to the 8 piece bucket. KFC will miss the money, but they can deal with it.

If that swimmer Michael Phelps can eat 15,000 calories for breakfast and still look that good, I don't think I need to do anything with that meal. Besides, I gotta have my side of bacon and loaf of French Toast.

For supper, I'll do the Subway diet. After all, a footlong Philly Cheesesteak with double meat, triple cheese, lots of mayo, a bag of chips, and a large Coke can't have too many calories, can it? Wait, I'll make it a Diet Coke instead.

I'll be down below 300 pounds in no time and Tom won't be able to not notice me.


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