Nick C Legg - My Fake Diary

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

I thought the Commentator had cheered me up a bit with this headline and article, then I read it:

Nick Clegg has had a tough time of late. Here's eleven reasons why we all should love him.

1. Despite the allure of some characteristically bad math from Gordon Brown and his 'rainbow coalition' concept, Nicky chose the right coalition partner. Yes, the Dave 'n' Nick show has made a bit of a pig's ear of quite a lot of things but can you imagine what could have happened if Nicky had jumped into Gordon's loving and grateful jaws arms?

The IMF would have taken a five-year lease at the Savoy, our Moody's rating would be GGG (minus) and, trapped in the smoking ruins, we'd all be looking back at the mid-seventies as a golden age of wonder.

2. Nick Clegg is Deputy Prime Minister. A previous incumbent of that role was John Prescott. Rejoice. Use flags if you have to.

3. Anyone looking to enter public office in the future now has a wonderful reverse role model to look up to. 'If Nick Clegg did it this way, then I should do it that way'. It's going to be a fabulous road map to success and maintaining integrity. They'll be thanking him for that for centuries.

4. His decrying of an elite of which he is a fully paid up premium member allows his hypocrisy to reach such heights that it makes other public school-hating ex-public schoolboys look pretty good.

5. Nicky has developed a new derivative of "If you're going to tell a lie, tell a big one". The Clegg version is "If you're going to tell a lie make sure it's such an obvious one that even a 3 year old could access enough source material within the blink of an eye to prove it's utter cock".

6. We were getting bored of the term "as useless as a chocolate fireguard". "As effective as a Clegg" is so much clearer.

7. If ever anyone needed convincing that the Lib Dems are best left making it up as they go along in opposition then Nicky has provided them with an enduring and comprehensive legacy of exemplification.

8. He has proved once and for all that his "new type of politics" is characterized by back-stabbing, dishonesty, spite and dishonour. Much like the old politics in fact.

9. He has provided generations of politicians to come with a template of how not to develop/write/introduce a bill. The Lords Reform Bill was like a salmonella-filled Curate's Egg left out in the sun for 30 days on a slum riverbank during a heatwave. No coherent and sentient being could possibly have had anything to do with it. Thanks Nick - That's a valuable service that you've provided there.

10. Nicky loves European Politics and is a federalist. Every time he thrills to the excesses of the EU bureaucrats yet another UK voter rediscovers their inner democrat. Quite simply he's the eurosceptic gift that just keeps giving.

11. He indirectly added the phrase "I agree with Nick" to the political lexicon. And who uttered those memorable and, in light of recent events, chilling words? Lest we forget my friends…lest we forget

Still... it was so wittily written, I just had to put in me diary, sorry!

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