Jesus - My Fake Diary

Friday, 5 April 2019

Dear Diary,

I just recently received a prayer from an Evangelical Christian asking me to ensure Donald Trumps ascent into heaven.

I don't directly answer prayers, but I can confide to you that this poor person is not going to have her prayer answered favorably. I feel that I should judge Donald Trump in the same way that he has been judged in the Mueller report.

As Robert Mueller has basically concluded in summary: The evidence against President Trump does not rise to the level of indictment in regards to the charges of collusion with a foreign power, and obstruction of justice; however, the nature of the evidence against the President does not exonerate him of crime.

I am therefore compelled by the Laws of God the Father, to judge him according to this ambiguous and spineless report.

I can't send him to Hell when he dies, but I also can't allow him into heaven.

In conclusion, I am therefore obligated to send him to Purgatory forever! I ran it past God and he said that it was okay with him.

Besides the guy lived his Heavenly life on Earth; he should give up his place in the afterlife for one of those poor immigrant workers that he abuses at his resorts.