Brett Favre - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Wednesday 24 August - Fourth Wednesday in August - Blue Moon

Woke at ten but lay in bed till five past. With all those years I patched in to the Cyglis Bladder-thon you'd think I'd have earned a prostate amnesty.

Looked at a lovely red tractor in my Boy's Bumper Book of Old Tractors. Called my sultry, smooth skinned PA Martha to task her with organising some red paint so I could make one of my tractors red. Martha seemed a bit monotonous and distant till I realised I didn't have a female PA any more since Deanna found out and I'd called the Sex Pest Aversion Therapy Help Line.

I was sat on the porch painting a face on my egg when a helicopter landed in the yard and out came several Miami Dolphins who tried to drag me to Florida. Then a helicopter arrived from Cincinnatti and several Bengals tried to wrestle me to wherever Cincinnatti is. It became quite a jostling match until Bus arrived and shot them all. A press conference was hastily arranged and he said I had no intention of un-retiring unless it was for a genuine Superbowl contender and $20 million. A helicopter from the Jets arrived and when we laughed till our sides ached Rex Ryan threw high-heeled shoes at us for twenty minutes.

I went into the barn in a farm-chic check shirt and Wrangler jeans (ker-ching!), arranged some bales of hay into a pyramid and then I climbed to the summit / metaphorically ascended into the pantheon of the footballing gods. Then I fell off and ricked my back.

After dinner I watched There's Something About Mary again and found tears welling in my eyes. I was wonderful in that movie and what the Oscar voters never knew was that I was carrying several injuries that would have ruled out all lesser scene-stealing cameo QBs and my heart was heavy from the death of my Uncle Jim's spaniel, Barney.

Previous Dates Next Dates

« Full list of Spoof Celebrity Diaries

Send to a friend

Tell your friends about The Spoof!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more