Brett Favre - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Tuesday 26 July - Fourth Tuesday in July - New moon

Woke at ten, lay in bed till half one. I was looking at a tractor in the new John Deere catalog. It comes with "a free portfolio of tilling attachments, $249.99 value." That sounds really tempting.

I was laying in a briar patch after my grits wearing Wrangler dungarees (ker-ching!) and a battered straw hat when a sultry looking woman slunk by. I followed her for a while and struck up a conversation. Howdy, I said, you're a darn pretty missy. Are you from round these parts? No, she said, go away creep and swished on. I know she liked me. I must get her number.

Checked my messages. 22 from Sparano, 15 from Whisenhunt, 11 from Marv Lewis, 8 from Pete Carroll, 6 from Munchak, 3 from Shanahan, 2 from Les Frazier and - great I thought - one from Andy Reid. I called him straight back. Fancy a job, he said. I thought he was calling as a friend for us to hang out. No-one wants me for ME!

Deanna made an apple tart with a criss-cross crust. I saw it cooling on the porch as I was shovelling stones in the yard before Sports Center. A tilling attachment would come in really handy. But she didn't give me a slice. I think she's still mad about the tractor I bought last week.

Bus rang. Said did I want to endorse a labrador puppy with a sticky ear disorder on the diseased pets channel. Took Jim Beam to bed and cried myself to sleep again.