Written by mikewadestr
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Tags: Poetry

Sunday, 15 May 2016

image for Giddy Up You Old Fool I'm not ready to die. At least not yet!

I've ridden the wicked draw that runs from shytown to the edge of the heinous herd
that abomination of unspeakables which propagates fear in the dreams of the unweary
in the center of that heinous herd you will find the apocalypse
sitting smug, wrapped in oil skins on a heap of 2 day old horned imp skulls
Giddy up you old fool

The heinous herd was an abomination that even all of hell rejected
They snorted steel nails and ate the broken glass of the World Trade Center
They trampled the souls of children and gored those of the sick and the old
They spent their days hoofing the graves of Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin
Giddy up you old fool

I always take my hoard of sour drab whiskey hidden under malice and spite
pulled in a cart by two red hungry polar bears named Anguish and Pain
won on a bet with a one eyed blue Eskimo name Carrion on the frozen sphere
as I was crossing the yellow crystal on my way to Asgard to trade some green souls
Giddy up you old fool

I had gone and gathered up all of my rustlers of which their number is three
To ride with me from shytown to the edge of that horrible herd
We were going to do the impossible, we were going to do the insane
We were going to rustle the heinous herd from the apocalypse at a quarter past 3
Giddy up you old fool

My rustlers were all seasoned in the ways of guile and treachery
Each had their specialty bringing hate and mayhem to the exposition
There was one eyed Jake a skinner who could strip the hide off Satan
To keep in practice he skins himself and then puts it back on again
Giddy up you old fool

There was one armed Larry who was the best roper to the north of hell
He once roped and hog tied Cerberus at the gates of Hades
He held him there until Billy the Kid and Jesse James walked free
He then branded him with the sign of the flipping bird just to annoy Hades
Giddy up you old fool

Lastly we had a man who was a viper of sorts who we all called snake
His eyes were yellow with vertical pupils filled with treasonous poison
he spent his days wrestling Nessie to her point of exhaustion
for breakfast he ate rattlesnakes whole and alive, the rattle included
Giddy up you old fool
So we circled that herd covering all points of the compass
We even cut off their escape into the bowels of the burning abyss
They were ornery and madder than a wet hen in a slaughterhouse
They dug in their hooves and started spewing out fire and burnt cinder
Giddy up you old fool

The bull of herd who is named the Eternal Pyre, glared at us and hoofed the ground
He made a charge at Jake spitting out a queue of broken glass and rusty nails
The queue caught Jake by surprise, he dodged left and dodged right with no retaliation
Catching him in the chest it split open his heart and left him lying in ditch quite dead
Giddy up you old fool

It was then the turn of Larry the one armed, who twirled his rope above his head
He lassoed the Eternal Pyre and pulled him down to the unholy ground
He hog tied him twice to make sure he was sound giving the thumbs up to the rest of us
But that incubus broke the ropes and kicked him hard in the head, leaving him quite dead
Giddy up you old fool

It was now up to the snake to take down the Eternal Pyre of insolence
Jake opened his mouth to display two fangs dripping hate and despair
He de-horsed and flung himself on the ground and slithered towards Pyre
The Eternal Pyre was confused for a second or two which was just enough
Giddy up you old fool

Jake caught hold of the aberration on the leg with both fangs and held on tight
He let the poison sink in just as Cleopatra did when she poisoned Grypus
Pyre jumped and reeled and screamed in a wail that woke up half of hell
As death came upon him he took it upon himself to take revenge and trampled the snake
Giddy up old fool

With the Eternal Pyre dead and the heinous herd threatening a stampede
I saw the face of the apocalypse rise up from the middle of mayhem
He glared at me, and spit fire on the ground and held up the souls of the newly damned
"You are a fool old man to believe you can take the heinous herd from me"
Giddy up you old fool

"You have succeeded where no man has, you have aggravated me in a way no man has
You have killed my prize bull, the Eternal Pyre who is the source of all fire
Now no one will have heat, no one will have cooked food, no one will smoke in joy
I have a place for your immortal soul where it will burn long and hard on a rusty kabob skewer
Giddy up you old fool

He stared hard at me and laughed even harder, he actually giggled after that big laugh
He opened that demon mouth and spewed forth a fire of burnt lime and destruction
It hit me in the chest and threw me from my horse who was left burning in flames
The fire in my chest ripped through my organs and landed hard on my heart
Time to die you old fool

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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