Kobe Bryant wrote a heartfelt poem about retiring from NBA Basketball and all he's faced, just about, is flagrant abuse from some members of the writing community. Sure, some die-hard Kobe and Lakers fans think Shakespeare or Chaucer actually wrote t...
I've ridden the wicked draw that runs from shytown to the edge of the heinous herd
that abomination of unspeakables which propagates fear in the dreams of the unweary
in the center of that heinous herd you will find the apocalypse
sitting smug, wrapped in oil skins on a heap of 2 day old horned imp skulls
Giddy up you old fool
The heinous herd was an abomination that even all of hell reject...
For National Poetry Month, Walt Whitman's recent return from the dead for his reading of "Song of Myself" was overshadowed by the shocking arrival of Donald Trump, who said that he had not heard of Whitman, but was intrigued by the title, which he thought was "Shlong of Myself," and by prospects for spontaneous "call and response." However, sources confirm that his outbursts merely echoed phrases...
Among the belongings of the late great Irish writer and dramatist Brendan Behan has been discovered a short Romantic poem.
Seemingly, Behan had visited the great Irish jump race meeting at Cheltenham in the spring of 1961 and wrote the poem on the back of a bookie slip that he evidently intended to throw away. It may well have been written by him for his own amusement. It is a parody on the wo...
(With apologies to William Butler Yeats)
Churning and churning in the miasmic mire
The Tea Party cannot stand the Moderates;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the GOP;
The Wing-nut tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of common sense is drowned;
The best lack all compassion, while the worst
Are full of fanatic in...
I found the most interesting poem yesterday when I was thumbing through the "Baseball Digest," from August 15, 1987. I was looking over some old baseball cards I had examining the edges and looking for creases. I wanted to see what they were worth.
There is a certain quality to the poem that I can't describe.
I want to share it with you.
I'm an IntCom guerrilla
Trade wars to the highest seller
I'm a tinpot Godzilla
I'm a street-bombing prancer
A global-heating moral cancer
A swift-declining Panzer
But let's not talk about peace and ethics
And kids that don't explode
We're losing all of our respect and honour
Universal chaos motherlode, yeah baby
I'm just no good at small talk
Narrow and bijou
Microscopic and minute
Sorry, what do you do?
Dinky winky, little, dwarf
Incy wincy, klein
Matchbox, kneehigh and compact
Can I top up your wine?
Teensy weensy, minimal
Teeny weeny, wee
Itsy bitsy, miniscule
Would you like a cup of tea?
Baby, mini, miniature
Shrunken, titchy, speck
Narrow, nipper, iota, mite
Get naked? What the h...
It's obvious my uterus has seen a better day.
Too many years invested, in erotic sexual play.
Committed now to aging with grace its duty done.
A child carries on my name - a generation comes.
My sex life is a private matter, I care not to discuss.
Why Politicians think they speak ... for my uterus.
Men are lusty school boys - ask any Catholic wife.
If it wasn't for contraception, we'd be...
We in the Neanderthal Independence Party (NIP) feel threatened by Homo Sapiens
They may cause our lives not to have happy ends
The Neanderthal Independence Party says we are culturally unique
Though we're a little low-brow and evolutionarily weak
We have more grass roots support than Neanderthal Labour
And we'll try to reduce casual sex with our neighbours
The Neanderthal Health Servic...
There are places in the world where people don't say "awesome". They say "ah-some". There are some.
There are those who think they've been abducted by a Martian, which would be awesome. There are some.
There are millions of people who say "awesome" when they mean "very good". There are some.
There are people who like Jeremy Clarkson. They are not awesome. But there are some.
After a skull-thonking chair slam to his head, the Hulkster stunned the arena by reciting T.S.Eliot's "The Waste Land." Though the crowd seemed to be getting into the esoteric allusions, a ring-side wag interrupted the "Game of Chess" segment by scre...
He may have been kicked out of baseball for a year but New York Yankees Alex Rodriguez has gone back to writing poetry.
What kind of poetry?
"Somewhere between Bob Dylan and Mohammed Ali he laughed."
A-Rod then told some reporters that he h...
COOS BAY, OREGON - Peggy Johnson is only 43, but she is the head of one of the newest and fastest growing women's organizations in the U.S. since Sue Ellen Cooper started The Red Hat Society was started in 1998.
Johnson's organization is called "The Evergreen Gals", in reference to evergreen trees that have leaves in all four seasons.
"Members of 'The Evergreen Gals' are dedicated to being...
I want to be an Arab
And wear a flowing robe
With a beard down to my ankles
From my ear lobe
I want to be an Arab
And chat all day and night
On a mat that's facing Mecca, or wherever
They direct that shite
I want to be an Arab
They love a drop of wine!
Downside: no bacon, sausage or pork chop
They're forbidden to touch swine
I want to be an Arab
Have my women walk behind
Inspired by Lewis Carroll
'Twas brillig, and the Karl Rove
Did tremble and tire in his soul;
All flimsy were the borogoves,
And the GOP o'er ruled.
"Beware the Trumpen Bird, my son
The jaws that bite, the mouth that spits!
Beware the Trumpen Bird, and shun
That frumious piece of shit!"
Rove took his vorpal sword in hand;
Long time the loudmouthed foe he sought-...
Crouching low at the foot of a hollow clearing,
cored from the density of trees in our holding of
forest, I know something lacks. Not the cool, insistent
billow of breeze from the West, or the mousey
rustle of dead leaves pooling around us. A shaft
of late summer sun that lazily probes about the high
branches, picks out an oval of scrub. A trace memory,
a silhouette that says 'it was...
The Epic of Gilgamesh is a long, boring, heroic poem by Gil Gamesh, a Babylonian who plagiarized the story from ancient Sumerian sources and claimed that the events of the poem, outlandish though they are, actually happened to him. One of the poem's key episodes in the flood, which, when it is written about in the Bible, is known as the Biblical flood, but, in Gilgamesh, is referred to as The Delu...