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Funny story: A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

We in the Neanderthal Independence Party (NIP) feel threatened by Homo Sapiens They may cause our lives not to have happy ends The Neanderthal Independence Party says we are culturally unique Though we're a little low-brow and evolutionarily weak We have more grass roots support than Neanderthal Labour And we'll try to reduce casual sex with our neighbours The Neanderthal Health Servic...
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Funny story: There are some.

There are some.

There are places in the world where people don't say "awesome". They say "ah-some". There are some. There are those who think they've been abducted by a Martian, which would be awesome. There are some. There are millions of people who say "awesome" when they mean "very good". There are some. There are people who like Jeremy Clarkson. They are not awesome. But there are some. There are...
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Funny story: Hulk Hogan Injects Poetical Moments and Movements into WrestleMania

Hulk Hogan Injects Poetical Moments and Movements into WrestleMania

After a skull-thonking chair slam to his head, the Hulkster stunned the arena by reciting T.S.Eliot's "The Waste Land." Though the crowd seemed to be getting into the esoteric allusions, a ring-side wag interrupted the "Game of Chess" segment by scre...
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Funny story: Alex Rodriguez Writing Poetry During Year Off

Alex Rodriguez Writing Poetry During Year Off

He may have been kicked out of baseball for a year but New York Yankees Alex Rodriguez has gone back to writing poetry. What kind of poetry? "Somewhere between Bob Dylan and Mohammed Ali he laughed." A-Rod then told some reporters that he h...
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Funny story: Move Over Red Hat Society, Introducing "The Evergreen Gals"

Move Over Red Hat Society, Introducing "The Evergreen Gals"

COOS BAY, OREGON - Peggy Johnson is only 43, but she is the head of one of the newest and fastest growing women's organizations in the U.S. since Sue Ellen Cooper started The Red Hat Society was started in 1998. Johnson's organization is called "The Evergreen Gals", in reference to evergreen trees that have leaves in all four seasons. "Members of 'The Evergreen Gals' are dedicated to being...
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Funny story: I Want To Be An Arab

I Want To Be An Arab

I want to be an Arab And wear a flowing robe With a beard down to my ankles From my ear lobe I want to be an Arab And chat all day and night On a mat that's facing Mecca, or wherever They direct that shite I want to be an Arab They love a drop of wine! Downside: no bacon, sausage or pork chop They're forbidden to touch swine I want to be an Arab Have my women walk behind Whilst...
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Funny story: Jabberwacky

Jabberwacky

Inspired by Lewis Carroll 'Twas brillig, and the Karl Rove Did tremble and tire in his soul; All flimsy were the borogoves, And the GOP outpolled. "Beware the Tea Party, my son The jaws that bite, the mouth that spits! Beware the Ted Cruz bird, and shun That frumious piece of shit!" Rove took his vorpal sword in hand; Long time the loudmouthed foe he sought-- S...
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Funny story: Heaney dead at 74

Heaney dead at 74

Crouching low at the foot of a hollow clearing, cored from the density of trees in our holding of forest, I know something lacks. Not the cool, insistent billow of breeze from the West, or the mousey rustle of dead leaves pooling around us. A shaft of late summer sun that lazily probes about the high branches, picks out an oval of scrub. A trace memory, a silhouette that says 'it was...
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Funny story: The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh is a long, boring, heroic poem by Gil Gamesh, a Babylonian who plagiarized the story from ancient Sumerian sources and claimed that the events of the poem, outlandish though they are, actually happened to him. One of the poem's key episodes in the flood, which, when it is written about in the Bible, is known as the Biblical flood, but, in Gilgamesh, is referred to as The Delu...
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Funny story: Collective poetry of Persia

Collective poetry of Persia

Most people, literate or illiterate, in Iran, Afghanistan and Tajikistan, the remnants of the ruined Persian Empire, still, 2013, keep, at least, three books in their homes: Rubaiyat-e Khayyam, Hafiz and Shahnameh. A well-known Iranian scholar, Mohammad Abdolvahab Qazvini, 1877-1949, after completing his traditional theological schooling, Arabic grammar and Islamic teachings, in 1904, at the...
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Funny story: The Ten O'Clock Fuckin' News

The Ten O'Clock Fuckin' News

Some people these days seem to have great difficulty speaking without using the "f" word all the time. They seem to think it's cool or makes them look hard rather than it being a complete waste of the excellent English language but I've re-written the news so that one of them can be the BBC newscaster just for once. Good fuckin' evening.This is the Ten o'clock fuckin' news For folks who can't...
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Funny story: Clean Limericks For Good Christians

Clean Limericks For Good Christians

The Reverend E.P. Freedmore here. From First Methodist, but we welcome Presbyterians, and shoot, just about anybody. Baptists, even. Ha ha, that's a joke. You know, humor's not bad. I like it, once in a while. So it's okay to tell a joke now and then, especially if it demonstrates a good Christian moral. You know a lot of people like limericks. But some of 'em are filthy. Let's see an examp...
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Funny story: I'm A Celebrity Chef...Get Me Out Of Here.

I'm A Celebrity Chef...Get Me Out Of Here.

The nation's food fans all gasped in amazement There were queues for miles all along the pavement The day that the feted celebrity chefs Met a fate at the fete that was much worse than death Although the sous chefs were usually expedient They had miscalculated, run out of ingredients And so as not to inconvenience the fans It was decided to fill all the woks and the pans With the...
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Funny story: Halloween Poetry Has Local Housewives Flustered

Halloween Poetry Has Local Housewives Flustered

Local housewives were left flustered last night thanks to schoolboys and their enthusiasm for Halloween larks. Answering the door to suspected trick-or-treaters the women were, in stead, surprised to be regaled with romantic poetry. "It all sta...
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Funny story: My life as a man #24

My life as a man #24

All is the way it should be! In the heart of every West Virginian is a storyteller. Our most famous spinner of yarns was the incomparable Pearl S. Buck. And while I'm no Pearl Buck; I do spin yarns. In my heart, dear readers, lives a poet. Unfortunately for you folks, that verser is a failed poet. My haiku is astoundingly bad. My free verse should be chained and hidden in a forgotten...
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Funny story: Cyrus out--Watson in as star of Bonnie & Clyde miniseries

Cyrus out--Watson in as star of Bonnie & Clyde miniseries

APACHE DUNGHEAP, Oklahoma (ABSNN) - Miley Cyrus backed out of negotiations to play the infamous Bonnie Parker in the upcoming Lifetime Network miniseries Bonnie & Clyde. English actress Emma Watson has signed to replace Cyrus. "It wasn'...
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Funny story: The Turner Prize

The Turner Prize

The Turner Prize by Rob Barratt No Turners at the Turner Just Tracey bloody Emin No masterful masterpieces Just masturbating women No salty simmering seascapes No homebound fishing trawler Just the naked fore and aft Of an amateurish scrawler No mystical mist across the Thames No spiralling seabirds Just languid linear bodies Described by misspelt words For me she puts artisti...
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Funny story: U.S. Senate Bursts into Spontaneous Verse

U.S. Senate Bursts into Spontaneous Verse

The U.S. Senators gathered for today's floor debate unexpectedly and unintentionally broke out into verse in the middle of their proceedings. The following is the official Congressional transcript of what occurred. CONGRESSIONAL RECORD PROCEEDINGS AND DEBATES OF THE 112TH CONGRESS, SECOND SESSION WASHINGTON, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 2012 SENATE MORNING BUSINESS The Senate met at 10...
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