Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Thursday, 19 May 2016

image for Trump Goes To Dark Side, Changes Name To Darth Hirsutias
The real estate tycoon formerly known as Donald Trump has gone to the dark side and changed his name to Darth Hirsutias

The real estate tycoon formerly known as Donald Trump has gone completely to the dark side and is now known as Darth Hirsutias.

At a press conference from Traitors Towers, formerly Trump Towers, the dark lord Hirsutias explained the name change and his branding strategy.

"The Trump brand is continuing to grow in value and I am only changing my personal name to reflect my dedication to the dark side."

Then addressing rumors about the disappearance of Chelsea Clinton, Hirsutias said,

"Trump Empire Entertainment is holding Chelsea Clinton, and until the Clintons relinquish power, Chelsea will be held in a tremendously opulent suite at Traitors Towers. These suites really are fantastic, I just sold one to a Chinese client for fifteen million."

Darth Hirsutias also took the opportunity to announce a partnership with the Chinese company Trump Industrial Technologies and was brandishing a plasma sword made by the firm.

"I make good deals, I persuaded them to join with me or be sued out of existence. Their plasma sword is unbelievable, and it will be a great addition to the Trump brand."

As Hirsutias raised the sword to demonstrate it he was tackled and arrested by FBI agents who were helped by the dark lord's own Secret Service detail.

Later the FBI released a written statement about the incident: "Donald Trump has been arrested for suspicion of kidnapping and extortion, if our investigation shows this to be true, Donald Trump will be held accountable in a court of law. The FBI will investigate and prosecute wrongdoing, no matter who the person is, or what they call themselves."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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