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Showing snippets written by Jack Van Gump.


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Cloverfield Monster destroyed....

....dead animal removal personnel across the country walk off the job.

written by Jack Van Gump, 16 April 2014
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McCain Calls "Blood Moon"....

...another example of Russian aggression. Demands troop deployment to halt Red Menace.

written by Jack Van Gump, 15 April 2014
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Six months after Haitian 7.0 quake....

...most Haitians still poor as dirt, haven't had a decent shake since.

written by Jack Van Gump, 12 July 2010
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Chunk of ice the size of a skyscraper launched from the Moon, hits NASA...

....with a note attached, "Here's your water, chumps!"

written by Jack Van Gump, 09 October 2009
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The Moon Protests Earth Day...

...claims rest of Solar System discriminated against.

written by Jack Van Gump, 23 April 2009
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Obama Accuses McCain of negative campaign ads…

…featuring Muppets singing "Oh-Ba-Ma-Na…noo nooo noo noo noo".

written by Jack Van Gump, 16 October 2008
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Stock Market Disappears Down Blackhole

...reemerges in an evil parallel universe ruled by bonds.

written by Jack Van Gump, 06 October 2008
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U.S. stock market falls, can't get up.

McCain suggests market be "humanely put down".

written by Jack Van Gump, 29 September 2008
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Investors Move Money From Stock Market to Commodities

Resulting mattress shortage drives prices sky-high.

written by Jack Van Gump, 26 September 2008
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Donald Trump Blows All His Money Betting on the Jets.

Demands government bailout.

written by Jack Van Gump, 23 September 2008
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U.S. Stock Market Plumments...

...after pictures surface of Sarah Palin clubbing baby seals.

written by Jack Van Gump, 15 September 2008
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Moon Maidens Protest....

...Obama for saying "The Moon is Full of Holes." Don Imus laughs himself to death.

written by Jack Van Gump, 11 September 2008
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McCain Confesses...

John McCain has more people living in condos he owns than Sarah Palin had in her entire town when she was mayor.

written by Jack Van Gump, 04 September 2008
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Survey Says...

Obama and McCain are locked in a virtual tie in the area of voter apathy.

written by Jack Van Gump, 28 August 2008
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New GOP Candidates

Doctors have cloned five new GOP candidates from Bush polyps. Projected to be even bigger asses.

written by Jack Van Gump, 25 July 2007
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Gasoline Up, Shellfish Down

Thanks to Katrina, consumers feeling the sting of higher gas prices can rejoice in lower shellfish prices thanks to a gumbo of raw sewage and oil.

written by Jack Van Gump, 31 August 2005
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Survey Says.....

Bush and Kerry are locked in a virtual tie in the area of voter apathy.

written by Jack Van Gump, 25 October 2004
Showing page 1 (of 1 pages)


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