Showing breaking news satire snippets written by J.K. Baltzersen.
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Environmentalists Welcome Swine Flu Pandemic
We hope a swine flu pandemic will wipe out large portions of the human population, environmentalists say. "This will be a golden opportunity to go back to production methods of yesteryear."
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 03 May 2009
White House Denies Respect for Constitution
A spokesman of the executive office denied allegations made earlier today that the White House respects the Constitution. Such claims are utterly preposterous and ridiculous, the spokesman said.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 03 May 2009
NSA Denies Existence
A spokesman for NSA - No Such Agency - denies his existence. I am no such spokesman, he said. "I don't exist."
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 03 May 2009
Pirates to Take Taxes
Somali pirates are to call their ransom money for taxes, a spokesman for the Somali pirate union said. A U.S. Navy spokesman, in response, says taxes are fine.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 25 April 2009
Competition to Be Abolished for London Olympics
Competition does not go well with equality. We will have it abolished for the Olympics, a Downing Street spokeswoman said.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 25 April 2009
Bernanke Seeking Award
Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke is privately seeking an award from the Zimbabwean government for sound monetary policy. The award is in Zimbabwe dollars.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 25 April 2009
President Obama to Reduce His Salary
The U.S. President is to reduce his salary by 10 per cent. This is to draw attention from the really big spending, a well-known tactic, a White House spokesman said.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 25 April 2009
Absolutism Is Not Absolutism
Only monarchical power is absolutism, presidential or parliamentary absolutism is not, the French President said Tuesday. He continued, saying war is not war, and Carla Bruni is not Carla Bruni.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 14 April 2009
U.S. Constitution on Toilet Paper
President Obama has decided to be honest about the Constitution. The U.S. Constitution will be put on toilet paper throughout the executive mansion, a White House spokesman said Thursday.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 09 April 2009
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