Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Michael Balton.
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Low Numbers
The Yankees retired Derek Jeter's number this weekend. The Mets only had Sandy Alderson's IQ score to work with.
written by Michael Balton, 14 May 2017
From Playbill...
Until further notice, the role of FBI director will be played by Alec Baldwin.
written by Michael Balton, 10 May 2017
Eat Up. That's an Order
Donald Trump is opening the city's first totalitarian restaurant. It's called Your Papers Please, and features an exclusive bread and water menu.
written by Michael Balton, 04 February 2017
A public service announcement:
Keep your political system under control: make sure your politicians are spayed or neutered.
written by Michael Balton, 31 August 2016
Rick Perry gets a reality show:
So You Think You Can Goose-Step
written by Michael Balton, 31 August 2016
Tribute to Terry
The Mets are retiring Tterry Collins' blood pressure numbers,
written by Michael Balton, 14 August 2016
Presidential Credentials
Donald Trump wants to build a wall around the Mets. He'd make the Wilpons pay for it.
written by Michael Balton, 30 July 2016
Coincidence or conspiracy?
The oceans are running out of fish. That's OK. Trader Joe's is running out of tartar sauce.
written by Michael Balton, 17 July 2016
In the Navy!
The Pentagon is developing a sodium free ocean. It's called Lake Michigan
written by Michael Balton, 17 July 2016
Fun in the sun
They say if you hold the ocean up to your ear you can hear yourself drowning.
written by Michael Balton, 17 July 2016
Lynched
Hillary is having Bill fit with a black box recorder to avoid another inflight disaster.
written by Michael Balton, 03 July 2016
Magnetic Distraction.
Hillary's giving refrigerator magnets to select supporters. Come in handy if you have to erase an email server quickly.
written by Michael Balton, 08 June 2016
Hail Hillary
Let's all chip in and buy her a White House warming gift. I hear she needs a new email server.
written by Michael Balton, 08 June 2016
Fashion Note
The New York Mets are giving up their camouflage uniforms. Every time they wear them, Terry Collins can't find the team.
written by Michael Balton, 08 August 2014
Jokes of the Bible
Easter Bunny: I didn't make enough eggs this year.
Jesus: What do you want me to do about it?
Easter Bunny: How about a miracle or two?
Jesus: Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.
written by Michael Balton, 20 April 2014
New Webcast Series Announced:
Comedians On Crack, Getting More Crack
written by Michael Balton, 09 February 2014
Heard in Hollywood™
Starlet #1: Do you dream in color?
Starlet #2: Yes. But I fart in IMAX 3-D.
written by Michael Balton, 18 January 2014
A-Rod out of baseball for an entire season
Now they can stop needling him.
written by Michael Balton, 11 January 2014
Chris Christie's favorite setting for political suicide
The upper-level.
written by Michael Balton, 09 January 2014
He Should've Used the Tunnel
Chris Christie's favorite Christmas treat:
Toll house cookies
written by Michael Balton, 09 January 2014
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