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Emperor Finally Issues A "Secure Borders" Edict

Barack I degreed today all borders of the US Empire shall be sealed to prevent entry of the "undesirable alien" Bibi Netanyahu. Chief of Secret Storm Troopers, Eric Holder, will personally enforce it.

Cops say they know why someone built an underground bunker in Toronto

Looks like Preppers stocked up on ice cream, frozen pizza, beers and Colorado pot ahead of widely anticipated Armageddinouttahere stuff

IKEA head says Iran inquiry continues

Damn Ayatollah's have returned 3 million self-assembly National Consultative Assembly speakers' chairs, apparently much too squeaky for Persian tastes

Ukraine death toll sores past 6000

Mostly from bed sores as thousands of injured left in makeshift hospital beds with no change if dressings

Startling headlines reveal that 'Garcia switches position on Obama presidential library'

WTF Grateful Dead's Jerry Garcia doing getting involved in such trashy stuff?

Robbers steal $5m in North Carolina gold heist

Cops post pics of the notorious 'Nugget Brothers' suspected of carrying out the snatch

White House Task Force Calls For Improvements In Police Shootings

So it's back to Bullett School for Bill Bratton & Co as well as compulsory eye, piss and mental health tests. What could possibly go wrong?

LAPD Skid Row Shooting Shows Importance Of Body Camera Technology

Poor tramp had a camcorder wired to his cardboard box, capture entire police assault on vid

In answer to WTF Would It Look Like If The Dowager Co*ntess Left Downton Abbey

Only partially brain-dead ITV viewers would notice, nobody else gives a flying fuck

Palace Announces Event in Netanyahu Speech Time Slot

Imperial Narcissist Barack I will speak in the Rose Garden while Israeli PM addresses Congress. Emperor's theme:"The Incredible, Marvelous Essence of ME!" Queen of Sheba Rice will enforce attendance.

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