Discussion Forum

Dear Miss Manners,

My girlfriend threw me out of her house last night and told me never to come back. She said I was wanking a little too much when she wasn't around and I caused a mess on the new sofa. What should I do? I love wanking and I love my girlfriend. Please help!

D.W.
Savannah

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Quote: BuckwheatsButt

Dear Miss Manners,

My girlfriend threw me out of her house last night and told me never to come back. She said I was wanking a little too much when she wasn't around and I caused a mess on the new sofa. What should I do? I love wanking and I love my girlfriend. Please help!

D.W.
Savannah

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Get a new sofa.
Wank into a plastic bag. I hear that works well.

Get a plastic sofa.

Buy some plastic decorators dust sheets.
Cover every piece of furniture.
Dispose of once the deed is done.

Easy....................

Get a plastic girlfriend.

Get a girlfriend who shags you unconscious, then you won't feel the need / have the energy to wank..............

Take up knitting. Keep your hands busy elsewhere.

Become a eunuch.

Surround yourself with mouse traps. You'll never feel the need to get aroused.

Your partner should understand that spontaneous ejaculation is a necessary evil. If she does not listen, try domestic abuse, or, as I myself like to call it, slappin dat bitch up.

Miss Manners

I'm going to assume this sofa is covred in a cloth material. If it were leather, you could simply wipe it with dish soap & warm water.

What you need to do is get some club soda, dampen a cloth with it, then blot the stain. Do not rub, as that will grind the stain in the sofa. Then it will never come out.

I hope that helps.

Buck,

Have you ever considered that the stains resulting from the masturbation might not be the problem?

I think it's really that you are not wiping your backside well enough when you poop and she doesn't want the racing streaks on the furniture.

Try using extra absorbent toilet paper and using more than one sheet and this should help.

Buck, so what you're actually saying is she doesn't like you because you're a wanker?

Evening.

I know.

Is it snowing Monkey.

?

Forgot that bit.

Yes, it is.

Got to go out early in morning to the hospital. Not looking good for the travel plans...