Discussion Forum

Boring, boring, boring, JB subjectively evaluates his Spoof colleagues!

We all thought this thread was only about the one and only, you disappoint us JB your honour!

Memoirs are the personal views of the author.

Got that?

Need it spelled out again?

OCT 15


some time early 1980's - I wrote this little ditty:

"Believe it or not/ I'm walking on air/ never thought I could feel so free-e-eeee/ flying away on a wing and a prayer/ who could it beeeeeee?/believe it or not it's just meeeeeee...



If only I could remember the name of the guy who wore the underpants and crashed all the time....



Can you handle it?

I think not.

I have a wife and child.

I will not release them until the ransom is paid.

1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote island of St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. He was better off there. Out of harms way. Good man, Napoleon.

1844 - German philosopher Nietzsche was born. He knew it was all a load of shit.


1860 - Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard.
How right she was....




1917 - Mata Hari was executed by a French firing squad. Hari was a Dutch dancer that had spied for Germany. Good woman.


1945 - Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was executed for treason. Fair play to him.

He's still at it, out retarded, retropesctive thrill seeker, maybe we should all write in Mongolian and ignore him or it!

Have you ever read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You", JO?

You really should. Really.

On a similar topic, I gave my cousin a copy of "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" in hopes that she would stop letting herself get knocked up.

---

Quote: Madame Bitters

Have you ever read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You", JO?

You really should. Really.

On a similar topic, I gave my cousin a copy of "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" in hopes that she would stop letting herself get knocked up.

---

MB: With all due respect to JB, if he doesn't quick fucking with his own mind he's goin spawn a hell of a lot of crazy bastards to support out of wedlock....

Runnin a Day Care Sound good to you, JO and MB? Good Money Innit!

Morse

---

Quote: Morse[/]

Runnin a Day Care Sound good to you, JO and MB? Good Money Innit!

Morse

---

there's no ammount of money on Earth that would convince me to take that job. No way, no how.

I was simply suggesting some reading material that would help JO through this troubled time.

He won't find solace at the bottom of a pint of double chocolate, mocha chip ice cream or through random encounters with other anagram lovers.

They call it a 'break-up' because it's broken.

Yes, I am the lovechild of Oprah and Dr. Phil-- a fat, bald black lady with a moustache.

MB, thanks for yout tip, unfortunately to late, gave up reading books years ago!

Only book I ever stick my nose in these days is anything by Krishnamurti!

ENLIGHTNING, VERY!

btw, you could always tuck into my Spoof about the "Great Deranged Monster" it's floating around somewhere, you get a mention actually!

SEX.




It sells.
You can't have a memoir without SEX.

SEX SELLS.

My memoir will have SEX in it. Lots of SEX.


With cats.

No.
I'll leave that out of the first edition and then slip some of that mischief in later on when NOBODY IS LOOKING.



Lets talk about sex, baby.
Lets talk about you and me.
Lets talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.

Lets talk about SEX
Lets talk about SEX.

Lets talk about SEX.
Lets talk about...mmmm-hmmm


Well, after that I suppose I really should talk about sex - I mean, SEX.

October 16


SEX.


8am this morning - Had SEX with Penelope Cruz and her cousin.
Woke up in bed to discover I had squeezed the life out of my pillow and covered in a mysterious substance (later confirmed as feathers).


1793 - During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette was beheaded - for having SEX (maybe not...)


1846 - Ether, the painkiller, was used for the first time. The drug was invented by dentist William T. Morton.
He used in for SEXUAl stimulation while pulling teeth. He was later banned from several local brothels for such incidents.
(May be untrue.)



1916 - Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic in New York City, NY.
It was required becasue people were having SEX.


1928 - Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted electric light bulb...which he used in his love nest while having SEX.


1962 - U.S. President Kennedy was informed that there were missile bases in Cuba, beginning the Cuban missile crisis.

He later had SEX with Marilyn Monroe and several other women to celebrate.
He also fantasised about the size and shape of the missiles.

Died of syphilis and bullet wounds while driving around Dallas cruising for SEX.


1967 - NATO headquarters opened in Brussels. Place used purely for International SEX. With robots.



1997 - Charles M. Schulz and his wife Jeannie announced that they would give $1 million toward the construction of a D-Day memorial to be placed in Virginia.
His feeble donation was described as "peanuts". (bada-boom!)

Famous people born on this day:

They were all created by SEX.


Oscar Wilde 1854

Tim Robbins 1958


Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers) 1962

Angela Lansbury 1925



They have all invited me to their birthday party in the Hollywood Hills.

Except Oscar Wilde. He's not having one this year.

Something disturbing has happened.

I strongly believe that the innocent, gentile public may be confused somewhat.
I strongly believe that the general, innocent, gentile public may be of the persuasion that I am not only Myslef, but also Pimpmycapitalist and others.

I would like to point out that I am none of these others.
It is quite obvious who Pimpmycapitalist is - and they are not where you believe they are from, kind gentleman and lady, your supreme holiness.

My memoirs will be full of these horrible lies, damned lies.
And innuendo.
But the innuendo is mostly coming from me.
Oh, naughty me! I said "coming".
Tee hee hee. I am a naughty boy.

Focus.


I have been accused - yes ACCUSED - of being several others. Lies!

Edward Maxwell? Not I!
Simon Cockle? Not I, sir!
Skoob1999? I perish the thought, madame!
Henman? Fuck off!
Mrs. Kensington? I don't even remember her!
Mark Lowton? My bollocks!
Paul Lowton? Never!


There are many others too who have been tormented with wild claims and finger pointing and spitting. Digital spitting.
A disgrace!


I wave my fist at the sky and bellow at the top of my lungs:

I AM A MAN, NOT A MONSTER!!!!!

OCT 17

I see that Bureau is leaving.
I wish him the best.
I won't suck up to him becasue I don't know him and I don't suck up unless I get a reward of some sort.


Good luck to you, Bureau



JB

Died of syphilis and bullet wounds while driving around Dallas cruising for SEX.


HO ho ho


regards


PMC

I think JO thinks JB Is PMC


Doesnt suprize me .

Ho ho ho

Regards


PMC

I think PMC thinks PMC is JB.

That other foolish Dutch Unkle cannot cope with Jesus Budda jabbering to Myslef.

Can you?


Oh, I really don't care.

Fighting fire with fire only ends up with twice as much stuff burnt.

My hair is on fire.
Should I try to extinguish it with a cigarette?
No.

A stupid statement that just leads to all sorts of pain and needless suffering.

Suffering should be 'needed'.
I have no time for this needless stuff.




OCT 17

1931 - Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. Bastard.


1979 - Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Some good it did her. I bet the Pope was jealous. Bastard.


1997 - The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his execution in Bolivia.
Many people bought the t-shirt but didn't know why.
I bought the t-shirt and wore it. It looks nice and thats all that matters really.

I don't think you're PMC and I never did.

I do know who he is though. And he knows that I know. And I know that he knows that I know. And he knows that I know that he knows that I know.

Know what I mean?

Don't lump me in with those other people. I'd be insulted, but I'm too lazy.

Besides, PMC is funny. You're just funny looking (probably)

JO thinks i am black and JB.

Its quite insulting to JB

His English skills are far superior to mine.

So ill continue

Regards

PMC

JO is jealous of the bond you and JB share. He's also jealous that the 2 of you share a toothbrush.

It's funny that he thinks you're black.

I wonder if he'll boil your bunny rabbit alive a la 'Fatal Attraction'?

Who boiled roger rabbit?

JO

he he he


Regards

PMC

JB doesnt share my toothbrush, i share his, i kindly use it to get in the places other things - like tissue just cant reach.


Possibly is why he, gets told to wash his mouth outwith soap so much

Regards

PMC

Thankyou for your publicity, Benetton once said "any publicity is good publicity" I agree so I've just slaughtered my cat in public! Roughly the same as participating on JB's-PMP's-Chamone's memoirs thread!

Anyway, me myself and I!

MB, I'd love to read your memoirs, I'd even be prepared to pay money for them!

As for PMP, I don't believe he's black, he hasn't won a NOBEL!