Written by Lance.D.Boyle

Monday, 29 August 2005

image for 'New Messiah asks this of you'
'The New Messiah on the pulpit at Righteous Central'

"People of all nations, of all races, of all religions, I ask of you these things"

These were the opening words from the New Messiah as he addressed the masses from a pulpit at Righteous Central last night.

Speculation was rife in this week leading up to the speech, bookies' taking in massive bets from punters as to what the New Messiah was going to ask of humanity.
The bookies cleaned up.
No one could have guessed.

As if straight out of a Yale class 101 on spin doctoring, the former President, and self proclaimed New Messiah declared what he believed to be the righteous way for humanity to behave.

And "Woe behold any nation or peoples that do not fall into line"

In a sometimes nasally voice, and Texan drawl, the New Messiah gave a list of ‘the rules' by which the future shall be formed.

Thousands turned up to watch the proclamation be delivered but were turned away.

According to a sheet handed out by the New Messiah's minders ‘Disciples' as they prefer to be called.

"No one shall gaze on the face or speak directly to the New Messiah."
"There will be no criticism of the New Messiah"
"Everything the Messiah says shall be taken as the truth. Nothing is open to question or debate."

The general population could only hear ‘His' voice over loudspeakers, and in selected areas watch changing photographic images of ‘Him' on large screens.
The one of ‘Him' in the fighter pilot costume proving to be the most popular.

So, this reporter along with the rest of the world press, were herded into several large marquis to watch and listen on Widescreen, Dolby Sound Plasma screens.
We watched as the New Messiah began reading his ten mission statements from two large tablets of stone.

And the people of the Blue Planet held their collective breaths, and waited.

And the New Messiah decreed these ten statements:

"People of all nations, of all races, of all religions, I ask of you these things and as this is spoken, from this moment forward, until the end of the world so this shall be."

"First and foremost, you of all nations of the Blue Planet will accept and embrace the culture of the Righteous, your own cultures and customs mean nothing in the New World Order and are no longer of any use or importance.
Learn to know and accept that what I decree is right and good is beyond question or debate. Accept, accept, and accept."


"If you are declared as part of an ‘Evil Axis' so you shall be, until you are of some economic or strategic use to Righteous Central , then and only then shall you be regarded as ‘friend or part of the coalition', but you can always be placed back on the ‘Evil Axis' list when you are no longer needed. So tread lightly"

"If you are invaded by the Righteous Central, for whatever reason, it is reasonable for you to defend with small arms and Rag -Tag army. However once I have declared that you have been defeated by my mighty Righteous forces, you will throw down your weapons, and throw up your arms in glee and declare me the great liberator. There will be no inviting friends to help out, that's just not fair"

"Whilst the invasion is in progress always smile and give the thumbs up signal to cameras. Waving the Flag of Righteous Central is compulsory. Do exactly as directed by the Film crews or Press they have years of experience making fantasy seem like reality. Please remember to remove all signs of corpses or mutilated compatriots or dead or dying family members, no complaining or whining about ‘collateral damage' it does not endear you to anyone and makes for unpleasant viewing thereby reducing my Righteous Central's ratings."

"After the invasion and general destruction of your country or neighbourhood, Righteous Central will be rebuilding it, you will pay with resources, oil or minerals will be accepted.
Righteous Central will issue the re-building contracts to the ‘Disciples' and you will enjoy being part of and assisting in the building of the New World Order."

"There will be no censorship and there will be total freedom of the press, providing I agree with what is being written, filmed, or spoken.
We at Righteous Central have qualified people who will assist you in this endeavour. ‘Helping you to get it right' is our motto"

"If you or your family members are in the Army of the Righteous and are killed or injured, remember you put your hand up. You wanted to defend your country you wanted to be patriotic. Do you see any of my relatives or disciples signing up? When you sign on the dotted line your ‘ass' is ours. In addition, if Righteous Central decides we are going to invade the Bronx then so be it, you are going! There will be no complaining of friendly fire, incompetent leaders, or inadequate assistance. Do not even ask why! Remember in the BIG picture you do not matter. There are plenty of dotted lines and plenty of your type to sign on them."


"If you are playing for the ‘other' team you shall be deemed as ‘Fair Game' meaning Righteous Central may do anything we wish with your sorry ass. If captured, we can hold you forever. No trial. No evidence needed. We at Righteous Central are the good guys, so that means everyone else are the bad guys. We do not believe in torture here at Righteous Central but we do have friends who are really nasty and want to stay on the ‘good guys' side' so be warned.

"There are rules by which the affairs of all nations on the Blue Planet must abide by. These are, compiled, suggested, debated, enforced by a body called ‘The United Nations'. However if we at Righteous Central decide they do not comply with the direction that the New World Order is heading ,we will make our own rules and you shall follow them. Woe behold any nation or peoples that do not fall into line"

"If you find yourself unemployed, and needing to support a family, if you find yourself retrenched and in need of shelter and food,
Join the Army of the Righteous and sign or make your mark on the dotted line! Your New World Order is waiting and needs you!"

"And in closing let me add just one thing here, remember we at Righteous Central stick by our motto ‘Helping you to get it right' you can pick up a copy of this speech at www.spintowin.com or any Righteous Central office in a city, town, or foxhole near you. Thank you, goodnight, and God Bless"

And with a flash and a puff of smoke the New Messiah disappeared from the alter.

It was at this point that I heard laughing and felt myself jerk bolt upright in my bed, sweat trickling down my temple and my shirt sticking to my back, I rubbed my eyes with clammy hands, the T.V sat flickering on the sideboard.
Part of a flyer was sticking out from under the couch, I could make out the first few words, it read:

"No one shall gaze on the face or speak directly to the New Messiah."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Messiah




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