World's Tallest Midget Dies Aged 31
Grant Graham of New Zealand, listed officially as the world's tallest midget has died aged 31 due to complications relating to a congenital heart defect.
Graham who when last measured, stood at a height of 5 feet 2 inches was taken ill last night and moved to a local hospital. His condition quickly deteriorated and doctors soon realised there was nothing they could do to revive him. Graham has endured heart trouble throughout his life due to his extreme height.
Born a midget, Graham developed the rare condition of gigantism as an infant. Doctors speculate he may have ascended to a staggering six feet if he had managed to live another ten years.
His status as world's tallest midget has been taken by Botswanian tax collector, Dredge Abatu, who stands just short of five feet.
Camel To Walk Across Sahara Desert For Charity
Philanthropic camel, Hamish the Camel, a resident of Cairo, Egypt today revealed its plan to walk the full breadth of the Sahara desert in less than 30 days in order to raise money for charity.
Hamish, who normally acts as a mode of transport for Egyptian peasant folk, was compelled to take on the challenge after his wife, Theresa the Camel, died of cancer last year.
"I discovered a lump on her hump while mating with her last year. I stopped pumping her momentarily to examine the lump on her hump, if you pardon the incidental and rather inappropriate tongue twister".
All proceeds of the walk will go towards camel cancer research, a cause the Egyptian government scandalously continues to overlook.
Mcdonalds Staff Still Not Enforcing "Toilets for Customer's Use Only" Policy
Staff at the McDonalds on Grafton Street, Dublin continue to flagrantly allow any old stranger to walk in off the street and take a leak or dump at their own leisure in the restaurant's toilet facilities.
McDonalds Spokesman, Jeffrey Kramer said the staff, mostly immigrant Asian workers and depressed natives, cannot afford to let McDonald's proud tradition of restroom exclusivity slip from their minds.
"These guys were put there to do two jobs - not just to serve reconsituted meat and tasteless anorexic chips but also to stop vagrants befowling our property with their faeces, faeces which largely stem from left-overs our loyal paying customers throw out. The nerve of these people".
The staff at the Grafton street location have been given a final warning and now have the threat of mass redundancy hanging over them.
Skiing World Championship To Go Ahead Despite Absence Of Snow
Authorities have confirmed that the World Skiing Chamionship will go ahead despite no snow falling on Mount Kreisler, the venue for this years the event.
Meteorologists have put the phenomenon down to increased global warming along with the organiser's somewhat irrational decision to hold the event in the heart of summer.
A number of professional skiers are protesting fervently, arguing that a lack of snow may imperil their safety, especially through the steep downhill stretches of the mountain.
Urs Chevalier, the Swiss Downhill World Champion, said, "This is madness, no snow means we will have to attach special small wheels to our skies. Although they make you move fast, they do have an awful tendency to skid out of control. To be honest, I'm very concerned".
The Ski-Jumpers are rumoured to be even more worried.
