Sometime on Saturday night/ Sunday morning of the 30th/31st October 2010, the long hand of Muslim extremist terrorist organization Al- Quaeda arrived on Spain's Costa Blanca.
The Campello Trumper has learned that at around 3am on the Sunday morning, several large parasols, patio tables and chairs were piled up and set alight in a conflagration not seen in the vicinity since the Spanish Civil War of the 1930's, or probably not.
An attractive defiant Christine Dawson, who maintains that she is 37 years of age, and wearing a fetching ensemble of Wolverhampton Wanderers shirt with Jean-Paul Gaultier conical "enhancements" said, "Me and my Stevie are sure it must have been Al-Quaeda. "
"Several of our clientele, some of which were sober at the time, suggested to us that it may be the work of disgruntled members of the local Communidad, but we are certain it was the work of Islamic Extremists.
"Think about it. The community have kept the gate locked all summer long. Sometimes they have had a security guard there, not to stop beachgoers from buying ice creams and stuff as some might think, but to prevent the ingress of Islamic Extremists from entering southern Europe along it's soft underbelly.
"Its obvious mate" she continued. "It's a mere 4500km for a crack team of Islamist kayak enthusiasts to paddle, creep up to our bar in the dead of night and plant an incendiary charge among our parasols, then silently slipping into the night like ghosts. Why do you think they wear them sheets as clothes. Think about it!
"People have suggested that it might be those bastards from upstairs but, as I pointed out to them, they might be bastards, but I'm sure they aren't Muslims. Others have said that it might be a publicity stunt, with my partner Steve Murphy, (55ish) having set a timed charge, to go off when we were at home playing Doctors and Nurses, with the usual Internet witnesses able to corroborate our alibi.
They have suggested that we have done it merely to publicise our €1 lunchtime menu, where if you have fish and chips for instance, it will cost just €2, €3 with a glass of beer or wine! A bargain on Thursdays!
"But I maintain that it was Al Quaeda - they are all bastards, and I'm sure that we served a bloke the other day who had a suspicious-looking beard.
"And you can't discount the fact that Trick-or-Treating is one of the favourite ways in which Al-Quaeda and them pigging Taliban have exercised terror tactics elsewhere.
"I tell ya, she continued; "It's the thin end of the wedge. Today it's my bloody parasols - tomorrow they'll be trying to impose Shariah Law over my bar. It will decimate my breakfast trade! It's all made of relatively fresh pork you know!
"By now burbling uncontrollably, she began to gyrate wildly, in some abominable parody of Madonna. Our reporter quickly made his excuses and left.
