Boliva Issues Alert for 'Tin Pot Dictator' Colonel Juan Bolivar In Inca Artifact Caper!

Funny story written by Morse

Tuesday, 21 September 2010


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image for Boliva Issues Alert for 'Tin Pot Dictator' Colonel Juan Bolivar In Inca Artifact Caper!
Bolivian Preservation Expert Distraught After Site Raped by Colonel Juan!

INTERPOL has been alerted after the state of Boliva issued a warrant for a self styled Bolivian Colonel who claimed to be the great grandson of Simon Bolivar in order to loot the country of priceless Inca Artifacts including the irreplaceable "Golden Dildo of Jubbu-Jang-Sange ."

A spokesman for the Preservation of Bolivian Artifacts, Senor Arundo Carbonara, said Bolivar befriended several close associates of the President, and was able to gain access to the country under the guise of doing research concerning the mysterious death of Che Guevera in 1967.

Carbonara said Bolivar had all the documentation, including the special award of the 'Star of Bolivia' given out to friends of the Republic, and was fluent not only in Spanish, but also Aymara and Quechua which enabled him to order Merlot in 3 dialects.

It appears that the Bogus Bolivar entered the country through either Paraguay or Argentina on documents issued by the Vatican saying he was on a diplomatic mission for the Pope tracing 'several lost bank accounts and investment instruments lost during the great conflict."

That mission, however, only extended to Paraguay and Argentina where it was said he was greeted with great zeal by a well intrenched enclave of German WWII survivors and some retired Cardinals.

Apparently the Bolivians lost track of him once he entered the country, and it was only 3 days ago that a routine air patrol discovered the massive archeological digs at the base of he Andes where it was said the Inca Civilization buried hordes of artifacts including burro loads of gold and jewels.

By the time the government could launch a recovery and investigation team to the site, the only thing remaining were a few abandoned bulldozers, cases of empty Merlot Bottles and a half tube of mustache wax.

In a recycling bin for paper, authorities found blurred photos of some of the recovered treasure, including the 14" Solid Gold & jewel encrusted Dildo rumoured to have been used by Inca Goddess of the Golden Schwanz, Jubbu-Jang-Sange known as 'the insatiable one' or simply "Ga-Ga" for short.

Colonel Juan is said to be a master of disguises, speaks 27 languages, and is able to change his body shape at will due to impressive mental powers. There is no known image of the Colonel, nor are his fingerprints on file, but investigators are confidant the artifacts will show up somewhere on the international market.

"There's a lot of interest in Dildos right now," said Inspector Percey Montbatten, "not only is it the type of thing somebody will want to show off, but they'll try to use it as well....and that's when with the help of the NHS we catch the BASTARD!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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