Pope Francis was caught yesterday afternoon by a gaggle of his best nuns using a crucifix-shaped vibrating dildo … but no one will say where on his body, and they have been sworn to secrecy. As the Pope stuttered out a reply, someone said that he…
He once said something hilariously stupid. When Russia invaded Ukraine, he said he was surprised that such an evil war was on European soil, when he would expect such a thing to take place on African or Asian soil. Clearly he had either not bee…
CORNBREAD, Iowa – (Satire News) – Mildred F. Duckington was thrilled with the beautiful cactus figurine that her 17, great grandchildren gave her for her 94th birthday. She thanked them and she asked why they were all laughing like crazy. She aske…
When we were in college, the Cuban Missile crisis and the draft scared the bejesus out of Americans and inspired this joke: What do you do in case of fallout? Stick it back in and shorten the stroke. Much the same advice is proffered today by comp…
A man who hit upon the unusual idea of buying his wife a dildo as a gift for St. Valentine's Day, has told 'friends' on social media that she has now run off and left him, in order to start a new life in Europe with her 'pleasure stick'. She is th…
A man who was looking for an unusual and novel St. Valentine's Day gift for his wife, has gone for the jackpot this year, after revealing to workmates that he has got her a 12-inch black dildo. Ron Lummox, 40, hit upon the brilliant idea as he bro…
HOLLYWEIRD, CALIFORNICATE - Has-been "actor" Burt Reynolds, who has lived beyond his means for many years, is offering over 600 "personal items" to the highest bidder at an auction at the Palms Casino Resort in Sin City (a. k. a. "Las Vegas"). The...
BUG TUSSLE, AK -- Despite its treatment of its employees, many of whom receive minimum wages and no health or other benefits, Mallwart has the reputation, whether deserved or not, of being a "family-friendly" retailer. However, in the wake of rece...
A husband is accusing his wife of rape after allegedly refusing to give consent for a dildo to be inserted into his anus. Brian Moonwide, 31, met his wife Alexis 4 years ago and like most sex fiends are seen as reserved and quiet by their neighbou...
A sportsman's club in Pennsylvania claims an animal rights group tormented its members with "emotional violence" to protest its using pigeons for target shooting. Philadelphia Gun & Hunting Inc. filed a federal lawsuit against the animal right...
Rupert Giles studied at Oxford University, but dropped out before earning a history degree to become a voyeur, or "watcher," as his father and grandmother Edna had been before him. Rather than taking his wayward son to task for wasting what could have been a superb education at one of the world's leading universities, Giles' father approved of his decision, affirming it as a fulfillment of his "de...
London - A lunar-powered battery charger servicing the latest in dildo technology has been outed as the source of an 'alien' hum. Three months of intensive MoD probing investigated paranoid Primrose Hill residents' claims that some sort of extrate...
Louisville, UNITED STATES: In the land of the free Louisville Metro Police spotted a Louisville male, strolling about the place with a large bulge in his pants. Officers stopped the Louisville man and patted him down. They discovered the huge...
INTERPOL has been alerted after the state of Boliva issued a warrant for a self styled Bolivian Colonel who claimed to be the great grandson of Simon Bolivar in order to loot the country of priceless Inca Artifacts including the irreplaceable "Golde...
Police responded to a complaint by store employees about a customer throwing a temper tantrum in their business and making a scene. Two cars with four uniformed offices responded to the complaint at the Eros Adult Supplies location on Montana Avenue...
The Son Newspaper learned today that police forces around the UK are to ban the old truncheon after receiving complaints they have been used as "dildo's". According to a secret memo the Chief Constable of Murkeyside Constabulary has banned the use...
A Long John Silvers employee/pirate, who asked to remain anonymous, used his girlfriend's strap-on dildo as a pegleg after his girlfriend broke his pegleg while using it as a strap-on dildo. "Blimey," stated the pirate, "Me scurvy dog first mate l...
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