Cape Town - (Big Cat Mess): He's shagged his way through 99% of the Organization of African Impunity's notorious cougar population of desperate 40-something feral women.
And this week South African President Jacob Zuma is after some tasty Brit morsels after being confined to bringing only one concubine on his trip to Buckingham Palace.
The notorious big-puss shagger's website commented today that Zuma likes to get through at least five predatory cougars a day.
The term describes indigenous African mountin lions which roam the hinterlands looking for something enormous in which to bury their snatches.
Zuma's carnal appetites are now worrying Foreign Orifice officials charges with planning the finer details of the three day vanity trip.
Fears that the Palace's refusal to provide from its own retiniue of slags, shags, ho's and tarts will provoke a diplomatic incident has sent FO lackeys scurrying to nearby brothels to look for suitable talent.
"Zuma's no spring chicken himself," a South African embassy said today, "and likes the scrag-end of old boilers.
"Perhaps some of the Premiership's more mature WAGs might like to oblige?
"The President is fascinated by Mrs Terry, Mrs Beckham and most of the past-it wives.
"But on no account should any stick insect like Cheryl Cole or Vanessa Perroncel be asked to oblige.
"Ashley Cole? Now that's an entirely different agenda!"
Sven-Goran Eriksson is 69.
