NAZI opposes GETSAPO bear 'relocation' project

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Monday, 21 December 2009

image for NAZI opposes GETSAPO bear 'relocation' project
Observers fear that the 'Arctic yeti' -- cousin to the Himalayan Abominable Snowman -- might come along for the ride

Australian environmentalists have announced 'complete opposition, complete resistance' to plans by the Generous Environmentalists Totally Saving All Polar Organisms (GETSAPO) to evacuate all polar bears on the northern polar icecap to Antarctica.

Al Gore's announcement at the Copenhagen Climate Summit that there would be no Arctic ice within five years inspired the crash program to save the polar bears.

The National Australian Zoological Institute (NAZI) called the program put together by GETSAPO 'climate colonialism' and 'an affront to native biodiversity.'

'The Antarctic has its own precious, unique, irreplaceable, undisturbed, pristine, delicate, fragile, vulnerable, eco-biosphere that is on the brink of total, utter, complete, and irreversible collapse into oblivion', said Mindy Verte, a spokesperson for NAZI.

'NAZI stands firmly in favor of preserving Antarctica for the Antarcticans, and its pure genetic heritage without foreign mongrel races disturbing its racial purity.'

There were concerns that the polar bears would wipe out creatures native to Antarctica in their search for food, but GETSAPO has figured that out in advance.

'GETSAPO, by its very name, is committed to evacuating all polar organisms', said Tori Reeves, a spokesperson for the group. 'So we'll be moving seals and other things that polar bears like to eat, including the contents of garbage cans and dumpsters in Inuit (Eskimo) villages.'

This facet of the plan elicited outrage from the NAZI camp, and they immediately began torching SUVs in Melbourne and Sydney to protest the GETSAPO program.

'The GETSAPO want to turn Antarctica into a dung-heap for itinerant, homeless, lazy, migrant wreckers of the frozen Northern Paradise of the Arctic', Reeves said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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