Written by Liam_1959

Tuesday, 24 August 2004

23 August 2004, by Liam Logsdon

Nov. 23 is going to be a rather experimental day for U2 fans.

The Edge said, "We decided to really experiment this time, and didn't follow any known song structure". "One example is our first single, ‘Vertigo in Vermillion', which is banjo, tin cans for percussion and Bono singing through a cell phone". "We should have the video finished and released in October". "It was filmed on the Hampton docks, during the night in a rain storm, sort of our film noir debut".

This will be U2's 11th studio album, which is really slow by todays music standards, given the bands 20 plus year history. It will be produced by Steve Lillywhite. "We wanted to work with Steve again, because he did our first three albums, well… that and we can call him Bitch", said Adam Clayton.

Besides ‘Vertigo in Vermillion', other song titles rumored to be on the Irish rockers' CD include ‘She's A Tough Grrl', a song about Courtney Love in court. Another, ‘Kurt took a Full Metal Jacket in the Chest', is a lovely tune featuring a penny tin whistle, bones and bohdran, and is about Kurt Cobain's questionable suicide.

The band has been previewing tracks to friends down the local pub, and the buzz has been tremendous. Creem magazine's, Aljabra Tryangle, said, "The new CD is full of confident, expansive experimental rock from the masters of the form".

All the new tricks seem to work; the Edge's echoing banjo notes, diddly-bow and work on sitar, Larry Mullen's martial law like drum work and Bono has enormous bollocks. "He's singing through a didgeridoo, cell phone, underwater with whales and combs covered with tissue", Adam went on to add. "Why, he's playing Penny Tin whistle again".

Adam Clayton, bass player with U2 has really out done himself on this CD. "He constructed a washtub bass and plays it on several tracks". "He also plays xylophone, scratches LPs, wheezes into a harmonica and wrote 3 songs", chimed Bono. "The biggest surprise was the table he set up with crystal wine goblets". "He filled them at random levels, and began to rub his fingers around the rim".

The number 1 U2 fan site ‘@U2' quotes VH1 Senior VP Billy ‘Goat' Flanagan as saying, "It's the best album they have ever done. It's going to knock listener's socks off". "But I'm paid to say and write that, so go figure". And British rock writer Molly Malone McCormick told Rolling Stone magazine, "That ‘Vertigo in Vermillion' is like the early U2 LPs". "So if you already have them, you can just play them and save your dole cheque".

The album's release will apparently not be impacted by the disappearance of an early version of the album. The Edge lost a compact disc containing unmixed versions of the tracks in a recording studio in Nice, France.

The gendarmes promptly arrested the town of Nice to prevent the accidental release. "We were worried that the songs could be released on the Internet, potentially costing us and our label, Interscope, millions in lost revenue", the Edge lamented over cocktails at a Paris strip club.

The French investigators plan to release the citizens of Nice after U2's new album has its debut.

"If it is on the Internet, we will need to get the website and make hard copies for ourselves" the singer said. A cursory scan of the major music swapping sites, using Google and Googlism, haven't turned up any of the MIA tracks.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Irish

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