NORFOLK, VA - Animal-rights activist group PETA today announced its new promotional campaign, "Dear God, NO!"
Veteran celebs Sir Elton John, Marion Ross, Jean Stapleton, Danny DeVito, Cher, Linda Ronstadt, Cloris Leachman, Ernest Borgnine, Tyne Daley, Xaviera Hollander, Kirstie Alley and newcomer Susan Boyle will be photographed wearing only full-body linen sacks tied at the neck. The ad's tagline will be, "Pony Up Or The Bags Come Down!"
"Donations to PETA have been down due to the economy and the fact that so many people still enjoy eating the more delicious animals, such as cows, chickens, salmon and manatees," explained Evangeline Hoar, PETA's Ad Director. "Through a horrific campaign such as this, with such catastrophic eye-damage potential, we expect that donations will be brisk."
Ms. Hoar declined to comment on the rumor that PETA's next ad campaign would involve a puppy and an injection molding machine.