The 'Rat's Cock' sets new industry standard unit for excellence

Funny story written by Football mole

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

image for The 'Rat's Cock' sets new industry standard unit for excellence
Cornelius Trubshaw yesterday

Scientists in New Zealand may have discovered a brand new industry standard for excellence.

Boffins working in nano technology came across the discovery by accident while attempting to write the Encyclopaedia Brittanica (big version) onto the wing of a proton.

Anything perceived as 'really good' was simply considered as such, until barrage balloon designer Cornelius Trubshaw 31, described an evening of light entertainment at the Basingstoke Hippodrome in 1914 as 'just the ticket'.

The industry standard for 'being really good' was then officially recognised when the bar was raised in America in the 1940s

Travelling peanut salesman, Theodore Hunsknacker II junior, was heard to describe an undisclosed sexual experience as 'the cat's pyjamas' to friends in a New Orleans red light district whisky house.

But this was usurped in 1964 when Australian nuclear physicist, Dr Bruce Brucington discovered a more accurate reading which he named 'the bees' knees'.

The most recent previous development in the standard of perfection was widely thought to be the most accurate when 'The Dog's Bollocks (or 'mutt's nuts') were discovered in a laboratory in London's East end in 1978.

But now the entity that has been recognised as the closest thing to absolute perfection is 'the rat's cock'.

Champagne corks were popping last night in Rotarua as the standard was officially recognised by the International Institute of Weights and Measures (IIWM) in Zurich.

Leading the pointless team's research, Dr Agnes Spoonbill said: "We were so thrilled when the call came through telling us that 'the Rat's Cock' had been officially recognised that we almost skipped the Book of Revelations on that proton's wing.

"Until the next technological epoch comes along, the 'Rat's Cock' will be the standard by which everyone will try to achieve.

"Tonight really has been just the ticket", she added.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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