Bush Outlines Iraqi Financial Independence in Five Easy Steps

Funny story written by GWB

Tuesday, 25 May 2004

Carlisle, PA--In a speech here yesterday evening President Bush outlined his plan for Iraqi financial independence in just five easy steps.

"A lot of Iraqis are thinking, ‘I want financial security and the independence to follow my dreams, but I'm in debt up to my ears and my country is in chaos,'" Bush told a crowd of cadets at the at the United States Army War College.

"But I'm here to tell the Iraqi people that there is another way. Bad credit? No credit? It doesn't matter. If they follow the Bush plan they can make tens, even hundreds of thousands of dollars in just months, and they can finally have the cash they deserve."

The five-step plan is designed to help ordinary Iraqis actualize their wealth-earning potential, the president said. "My plan will provide them with the tools they need to make virtually risk-free investments in the oil markets, real estate, and other ventures with little or no money down."

While the president declined to outline the exact nature of the plan, he said that Iraqis willing to pay US$50.00 could learn the details at a series of seminars to be held at Holiday Inns across Iraq over the next two months.

"Tonight I am asking the Iraqi people to think about how they might spend their new cash," he continued. "Perhaps they will buy a 30-foot yacht or a new luxury car. They could even use the money to invest in roads, a fully operation power-grid, or a police force to protect their families and property."

In support of his plan Bush offered several testimonials from real, ordinary Iraqis. "I would have never dreamed that I could achieve this kind of wealth," Abdul al-Habibi Raswadi, a street vendor in Karbala, told the audience via satellite. "A week after taking the Bush course, I bought my first piece of property, a bombed out warehouse on the edge of town. With a fresh coat of paint and a new roof I sold it at a 500% profit to a US civilian contractor. Now I can finally afford basic medical care for my wife and children. Thank you president Bush for this amazing plan."

The president warned that al-Habibi Raswadi's results were not typical, and that individual experiences on the Bush plan could vary significantly.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more