Greek Cypriots Plotting Ethnic Cleansing Says Denktash

Funny story written by alex palamedes

Tuesday, 6 April 2004

image for Greek Cypriots Plotting Ethnic Cleansing Says Denktash
Denktash: South Will Eat North

Warning his people against integration with the Greek Cypriot south, the President of the Turkish Republic of North Cyprus, Rauf Denktash, brushed aside last year's events when a quarter of the northern population marched to demand re-unification, and opened borders saw thousands of Greek and Turkish Cypriots meet openly for the first time in 30 years. The peaceful daily migration of Turkish Cypriots to their workplaces in the south, he suggested, masked a Greek plan for a campaign of genocide once reunification is achieved. Cyprus could come to resemble Kosovo if reunification was forced on the people against their will, noting the superabundance of Greek Orthodox churches disseminated around the south.

"They are trying to reach a forced peace in Cyprus," he told a symposium on the conflict held in the northwestern Turkish town of Bursa. Olives grown in the south have been genetically altered by Byzantine scientists to dissolve Turkish stomach tissue upon consumption, explaining the proposed prohibition on Greek settlement on the northern side of a re-united island and the specification that Turkey will be allowed to maintain a military presence on the island indefinitely. Furthermore, Russian prostitutes use a brand of spermicide that renders Turkish men infertile, besides generally discriminating against Turkish lesbians. "Any such peace will be short-lived," he added, according to Anatolia news agency.

US Secretary Without Portfolio, Kofi Annan, has wisely put forward a reunification proposal that is almost certain to be refused in the forthcoming referendum. One NATO official, requesting anonymity, stressed the importance of a politically impotent Cyprus to obviate any potential rapprochement with Russia. Recalling James Rubin's comments on the 1999 Rambouillet peace ultimatum made to Yugoslavia, he noted that the impoverished Turkish Cypriots, unsympathetic to the mainland Turkish Government, were likely to vote yes to any reunification proposal. The important thing, for Turkish Cypriot and US security, was to get Greek Cypriots to say ‘no', and then bomb them.

"If Greek Cypriots vote ‘no' and Turkish Cypriots vote ‘yes', I shall seek recognition for the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus," the Turkish Cypriot Foreign Minister Gul said in remarks published by the daily Hurriyet. In that event - which according to latest opinion polls is a likely outcome of the vote on April 24 - "I shall proudly travel the planet advocating recognition of the TRNC."

The Prime Minister of the northern breakaway statelet, Mehmet Ali Talat, says he will campaign for a ‘yes' vote. British Prime Minister Tony Blair, who maintains two British military bases in Cyprus, has also urged the Greek Cypriot population to vote ‘yes', while the striking leader of the Greek Communist party, Aleka Rigas, has advised Greek Cypriots against acceptance.

The Greek Cypriot President, Tassos Papadopoulos, in opposition to the two main Greek political parties, is thought to be moving towards a ‘no' recommendation, despite American and British warnings that current talks mark a last chance for the peace that has existed in Cyprus since 1974. At that time a mainland Greek fascist sponsored coup, apparently with American assent, provoked a Turkish invasion in strength.

Conscripted soldiers on both sides of the island have shown concern that recent developments will render obsolete the cross-border ‘porno-mags for marijuana' trade.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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