Putin beats up world leaders in the name of judo

Funny story written by Noshing Mink

Saturday, 22 December 2007

image for Putin beats up world leaders in the name of judo
Putin prepares to do Uki otoshi on the President of the United States

Man of the Year Vladimir Putin has made a series of judo instructional films. The Russian leader is a sixth dan black belt international master and already owns several jujitsu schools in and around Moscow. In the instructional films, Putin is shown sparring with leaders of smaller, weaker countries, and knocking the bejesus out of them.

"This is how to do Uki otoshi", Putin says, as he tosses President of neighbouring Uzbekistan Islom Karimov to the ground. Ignoring pleas for mercy from the leaders of Ukraine, Georgia and other former Soviet republics, Putin proceeds to throw each of them to the ground in an orgy of bone-crunching madness, perfectly synchronised to the Russian national anthem, Gosudarstvenny Gimn Rossiyskoy Federatsii. He occasionally gives instructions, with phrases like "When they won't pay for your oil, it's time for Harai goshi" or "When you've run out of poison, try Seoi nage".

Western leaders have expressed concern at the political message which the instructional films convey, namely that Russia is prepared to use force to bring its enemies to their knees. However, a spokesman at the Kremlin denied any such intent, saying:

"We are all friends here. Russia will gladly share these judo videos with the international community for a small fee. Except for Britain, whose consular staff have until noon to leave the country."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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