U.S. Seed contribution at the Svalbard Int'l Seed Vault rejected as counterfeit; evidence of genetically altered grain found

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

image for U.S. Seed contribution at the Svalbard Int'l Seed Vault rejected as counterfeit; evidence of genetically altered grain found
U.S. Seed contribution rejected as counterfeit by Norwegian global seed bank, but it maybe what is needed after all

Some Rock Island, North Pole - Previously rejected by its two-thousand-year-old indigenous corn grower neighbors to the south in Mexico, and even starving African countries abroad, the U.S. agriculture industry received the biggest slap in its face to date as the Norwegian run "Noah's Ark" facility rejected its deposits, declaring them counterfeit after the detection of genetic modifications. The U.S., which has publicly acknowledged it made genetic alterations to its grain supply years ago, refused to comment on the matter.

"In the event of a major catastrophe whether it be local or global," said the facility's director. "Countries who made a deposit will be able to make a withdrawal like a bank to grow any crops they may have lost due to any disaster."

It is unclear what the U.S. government will do now that its contribution on the behalf of the American people has been rejected, not having a comparable storage felicity to call its own to preserve its seed in the event of a major catastrophe.

Norwegians rejected the genetically altered U.S. grain as they view it as one of the very dooms day scenarios they built the modern day "Noah's Ark" to begin with, say scientists.

The Norwegian facility built into the remote mountainside somewhere in the North Pole is quite the feat of modern and primitive engineering. Capable of withstanding all the anticipated effects of global warming and even a nuclear blast and then lasting over a thousand years after that to safeguard all planet life from extinction.

"Genetically altered grain that mutates the genetic composition of all natural grain into extinction on the planet is one of the very dooms day scenarios we trying to avoid here," said a Norwegian scientist. "To accept genetically altered grain would undermine the project, not to mention the possibility of ushering our annihilation at our own hand."

"Ridiculous! Americans, and her illegal aliens, have been consuming genetically enhanced grain for nearly a decade now, as far as they know," said a spokesman for the American aquaculture lobby based in Washington D.C.

"It is all perfectly safe,' said the spokesman, assuring the American public.

If genetically altered American grain is not permitted at the Norwegian facility, then American genetic engineers will simply have to design a super strain of American grain that is capable of withstanding all dooms day scenarios those other whippy natural grains are hiding from and are to afraid to face head on, said the spokesman for the American agriculture industry.

"We will create the ultimate American grain that will kick-ass," said the spokesman. "One that will not only grow under the most extreme dooms day conditions, it will actively seek out and destroy all other natural growing grains in its immediate vicinity with a pre-emptive first strike capability."

After all, those rice-eating Commies in San Francisco have their Minute-Made-Rice, continued the spokesman.

"Then by God, we will have our Minute-Man genetically enhanced wheat gain, even if it's the last thing we do."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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